[HelloDiDi]

So a lot has happened in quite a short while... Bunch of which I've talked about in my HRT thread n the side. And then there's whole lot which I haven't. Most of my life I keep out of this forum as I mainly want to keep it about breast growth and other body changes and so on.

Dating. Yes, I'm forming kinda love hate relationship with it. Me and gf have been together for two and half years, we're mostly happy together and she's super cool about my transition and everything. The biggest issue is lack of sex. PArt is about me not having yet figured out myself, another is that I do not want to be pushed into the guy role again, about anything. So we got the classic two bottoms issue. Some time ago we decided we have to figure this stuff out somehow and neither want to leave, neither are asexual although we can go without got quite a while without much trouble, problems start in the long run as its not really good for mental health. And then there's my longing to live the dreams I haven't been able to deal with before...

I'm poly amorous, I'm pan sexual and very much open minded so for me a lot of stuff goes which for many is a total no-go zone. Anyway, after a lot of talks we ended up deciding about an open relationship with certain conditions. Which is probably the best idea on how to deal with the situation. But cis het men keep on disappointing both of us. To my gf its nothing new, I guess I take it far more personally... Ghosting, rejection, liars, players, chasers. From whom about 1% end up showing up for a date. And they're pretty much all the same anyway. It seems like my trans status is a huge hit on these idiots, I'm open about it because I want to avoid worse situations than just being rejected. But its kinda interesting how well my transition is working out. Apparently I cis pass with near perfection in pictures, video and voice messages. Many men have been very surprised once I told them. Today one guy after month of silence came to talk with me again and he seems cool, I like him and he has a nice soothing voice. He too said that he was kinda surprised and felt confused when I told him I'm trans, but he seems to be open minded enough to keep on talking which is great. If nothing more, I might end up being a life lesson and he will have far easier time in the future when ever he befriends a trans woman. He has even invited me to go visit him some time which I might consider doing. But mostly, its been one (expectedly) big disappointment. I dunno if I should keep going on and not give a shit that I'm digging into a garbage heap in look for a gem or just give up on cis men and look into LGBT scene exclusively.

What is truly positive is that these men at least as long as I'm not out to them, find me attractive and interesting enough to come talk with me. Whole bunch of them want to have sex with me at least. They treat me just as bad as they treat any other woman. That's kinda twisted validation I guess...

And a while back I found out something I didn't know before. Apparently my pelvic muscles are far better developed than I thought. This is going to be a shameless brag. I've been into anal play since my teens and I know I have decent muscles down there, but that I have the power to make a guy orgasm within seconds and crush a penis so hard its sore day afterwards came as a surprise. Makes me wonder if this muscle control will be there once I get my kitty done. I certainly hope so, once I have my pussy, I'll put a lot of effort to dilation and practicing muscle control for sure. They're not called love muscles for nothing.

So yea, those guys who reject me, they don't understand what they miss. I know only one cis woman who can do this kinda stuff so its kinda rare skill, I was on the wild side when I was younger so I got quite a lot of experience. Poor men, would they know I can peal some bananas, they would likely date me with much more enthusiasm.