[Vana_B]

About 3 months ago I looked in the mirror and had a serious WTF moment.  Looking at myself, my nipples were getting sore and had become obvious through all my shirts as they perched upon my breasts.   What the hell am I doing?     

3 months ago, I made the 'final' decision to stop all herbs, pumping, panties, bras, trans porn, and everything related.  I have been doing great in my life, hitting the gym losing about 15lbs plus and building back some muscle.  Without the herbs, and constricting underwear,  I feel T level is through the roof,  I feel energetic, sharp and full of energy.  To my wife's delight, my sex drive has come back with a vengeance, and my chest and nipples haven't changed and are still a huge turn-on.    I should be happy just how I am right?  

Yesterday,  I had the house to myself and was just putting clothes away.  My wife's panties were on top and I thought it would be fun to wear panties while I do a little housework for old times sake.  The next thing I know I was sitting back on the couch rubbing my chest, pinching and feeling my nipples which quickly became hard and swollen.  Just pinching and rolling them made me cum a little without even touching down below.  I immediately quit, got dressed and told myself I was done (again) and I can't go down this path again.  Knowing myself, I am easily addicted to many things and I know once start stopping again is difficult.  With me, it's all or nothing.

Driving home today today,  without even realizing it,  I was touching my chest and feeling my nipples under my shirt.   My mind had been obsessed with getting home and going back to my old breast pumping routine.  Thinking about covering my chest in herbs/PM lotions and noogling for a while before and breaking out the spectra pump to push me over the edge.  It's strange how badly I miss the heaviness of my pumped breasts and thick engorged nipples that the spectra pump gives me.   Just thinking about it has had me in a frenzy.    

Now, I sit here writing this and passing time on this site with my chest covered with PM cream and my breasts starting to swell and throb from the forceful suction of the large cups (post pump pic below).  Soon I will feel the long awaited pleasure from my nipples being systematically milked by the spectra.  I have missed my NBE routine so bad...   Perhaps this time I won't stop when I feel my nipples getting sore. I have always quit when I start to feel a mass building below my nipples.  What if I don't stop this time?  I already have 'tits' that are obvious, lol who cares if they get bigger?      Part of me wants this so bad, yet the "logical male" in me is screaming no.   As you can tell,  I'm just confused and rambling.   Thanks for listening.   

   

[Erica]

I'm with you, though with me it's whether or not to start. I dropped 50 pounds over the last 2 years and spent a lot of time in the gym. My body is actually very muscular, especially for my age (63). All to prep for NBE if I decided to go that route. The problem now is I like this version of me. My wife Really, Really likes it. I'm on no meds or supplements of any kind. Have no medical issues and can still run with the big dogs in the gym. I don't even need any help getting and maintaining erections. 

Do I give that up? At my age do I take the chance? Do I make the change? No matter what I do it seems that NBE will make changes to my body. As I mentioned in my intro, for the first time in memory I am uncertain what I want. 

That said, I'm going to go very, very slow. I will not take any NBE substances or actions unless and until I am absolutely CERTAIN. This does not seem to be a road to take without that certainty. I'm not implying you have the same thoughts as I have, just the way I'm approaching what is at heart a very serious decision. 

I wish you the very best of luck no matter how you decide to proceed. I will tell you that I'm at least mostly sure I will not begin an NBE program. I like my life as it is. More than I realized as it happens. It has been the wise words of so many contributors here that have steered me this direction. NBE isn't for everyone, and no one knows that better than those who are already well down that path. I will be forever grateful to all of them for that. 

Take care and give yourself time to process and contemplate. There will be a tomorrow.

[Happyme]

Well here is my story. I'm 73, and I have stopped all the NBE stuff.

About 10 years ago i came out to my ,then soon to be wife. I enjoyed cross dressing. She was cool with it and we had lots of fun shopping and sometimes taking scary drives through the neighborhood, and her trying to pull my straps down so that it looked like I didnt have a shirt on if we happened on a someone we knew standing in their yard.
I was lucky enough to work form home and I can tell you it was heaven to start each day doing makeup, a different dress each day, panty hose and heels. Then presiding over hi-level teleconference meeting as Bobbi. Then the evening would come and I would slip into something more comfortable.
In the summer I would wear women's short shorts into town shopping, and Bobbi was taking over. I was never happier.
Then the, now wife, told me to ditch the short shorts since she noticed people in the stores staring at me, and we met some of her fiends. I think thats what did it.
Sex stopped, and at the same time I discovered these wonderful NBE sites. I was in heaven even farther. I bought PM, BO MACA RR the whole works, and I bought a noogle berry. Slowly my breast began to grow. They never got much larger than a B cup, except after a binge noogleberry session.

Years went by, I had no erections, and I couldnt even get firm. one weekend with a lot of work I finally came and was horrified that it was clear, very little and just dribbled out, none of shot across the room I was used to.

But I was in a mind set that I loved what makeup did for the face in the mirror and being Bobbi was wonderful.

Then the leg cramps started and i figured it was my weight, or my exertion. Then my leg swelled up and wouldnt go away. I had a clot behind my knee, and was on cumidin. While I was in the exam room waiting for the Dr to talk to me about my dosage, I read a pamphlet about DVT's. I scanned it and then IT JUMPED from the page. ESTROGEN can cause clots and high blood pressure.

My BP by the way was 200/100 quite often and didnt know what caused that either, Now it all fell into place and I decided that tities were not much use to me if I was dead or on meds for the rest of my life.

I stopped.
Another thing that happened as I hit the 70 mark. the lovely woman that used to be in the mirror, was gone and the dry sagging skin was impossible to reshape to the girl I once was.

Very disappointing.
Next was a divorce, and re-connection with a woman I fell in love with 20 years ago.
NOW the dick that used to serve me well was shot, age and NBE had done me in. Viagra helped but I just couldnt maintain an erection.
and it wasnt for a lack of someone trying!

So thats my story and I'm stuck with it.
Yes I still enjoy being dressed and 'trying' to look the part, but I am looking forward to normal good old fashioned Sex, and NBE has put a damper on that.
One can never predict the future, and the purpose of NBE is to help bring out the feminine part of us, but if we are not headed to being feminine full time, we are just doing damage.

Oh yeah, one last thing. The new love of my life, enjoys playing with my breasts, but they are no more exciting than if she rubbed my shoulders. No arousal at all.

so as they say YMMV. this is just my true story.
Bobbi

[Vana_B]

I'm with you, though with me it's whether or not to start. I dropped 50 pounds over the last 2 years and spent a lot of time in the gym. My body is actually very muscular, especially for my age (63). All to prep for NBE if I decided to go that route. The problem now is I like this version of me. My wife Really, Really likes it. I'm on no meds or supplements of any kind. Have no medical issues and can still run with the big dogs in the gym. I don't even need any help getting and maintaining erections. 

Do I give that up? At my age do I take the chance? Do I make the change? No matter what I do it seems that NBE will make changes to my body. As I mentioned in my intro, for the first time in memory I am uncertain what I want. 

That said, I'm going to go very, very slow. I will not take any NBE substances or actions unless and until I am absolutely CERTAIN. This does not seem to be a road to take without that certainty. I'm not implying you have the same thoughts as I have, just the way I'm approaching what is at heart a very serious decision. 

I wish you the very best of luck no matter how you decide to proceed. I will tell you that I'm at least mostly sure I will not begin an NBE program. I like my life as it is. More than I realized as it happens. It has been the wise words of so many contributors here that have steered me this direction. NBE isn't for everyone, and no one knows that better than those who are already well down that path. I will be forever grateful to all of them for that. 

Take care and give yourself time to process and contemplate. There will be a tomorrow.

Most of what I have done up to now has been more of "experimenting" and not fully committed to going down the NBE path.  What I have done so far has increased my desire to develop my breasts and have softer feminine curves,  yet not willing to give up being a "man" in many aspects.  I spend alot of time in the gym, but now more yoga/endurance training than pure strength.   I tend to be very bodily aware and stop as soon as I feel anything is not quite normal, such as loss of erection quality, or loss health or energy.   

It does seem each time I quit,  I  come back with a desire to take it just one step further.   Before I quit the last time,  I felt my nipples itching and lumps starting to form.    My areolas were getting darker and wider, nipples were always erect poking out through every shirt.    I was to the point I felt if I continued, wearing a bra would no longer be a kink, but a necessity. This combine with lack of energy and libido I had to stop and re-evaluate what I was doing.   This time I have started wearing a a sports bra at times under my clothes in public, to work, and even to the gym just to "mentally prepare" myself to keep going when I do start budding.  My plan is to reduce the herbs to topical use only, but keep up with the pumping and massage if I have performance issues.
 
For me, it is all about trying to balance my desires to be more feminine and not impact my health or overall "life as a man".  As I get more experience experimenting with NBE, I see the balance point slowly drifting towards allowing myself to be more feminine.