Most of the time I come places like this I just lurk and get what I need. For a very long time I have had issues with my body and being a big introvert I tend to keep everything about me to myself. I remember being little and seeing these women walk around with beautiful looks and breast and I would begin to wonder when will I look beautiful like that. I had very long hair back then and Mom just loved it. My dad however had a different opinion and buzzed all my hair off. "Boys should look like boys and not girls.", He told me once he finally caught me to give me my haircut. They kept trying explain to me that it wouldn't hurt to get my hair cut and that I didn't have to cry so much and that I didn't need to keep fighting like I was. I started bawling when I finally looked into the mirror.
Sometime later I just made the choice that I'm a boy and I should be a boy. It turns out making a decision like once is not enough and you have to keep making it every day and sometimes every moment. That gets tiring and I wear down sometimes and start buying things I know I shouldn't like panties and whatnot. I then start getting super nervous and scared that I'll get caught sometimes and get rid of all my stuff; cloths, perfumes, and toys (the sex kind).
As I'm getting older these feelings and my nerves keep building up and I know one day I'm going to have to make a real choice. I'm glad I found this community to help me prepare for when the time comes. Thank you all again for all the hard work and support put into all of this and I hope all of you get to go where you want to be in life as well.
P.S. I'm still going to be mostly lurking around and doing research. I guess lurking is my default now. One day I'll have to change that too.
Sometime later I just made the choice that I'm a boy and I should be a boy. It turns out making a decision like once is not enough and you have to keep making it every day and sometimes every moment. That gets tiring and I wear down sometimes and start buying things I know I shouldn't like panties and whatnot. I then start getting super nervous and scared that I'll get caught sometimes and get rid of all my stuff; cloths, perfumes, and toys (the sex kind).
As I'm getting older these feelings and my nerves keep building up and I know one day I'm going to have to make a real choice. I'm glad I found this community to help me prepare for when the time comes. Thank you all again for all the hard work and support put into all of this and I hope all of you get to go where you want to be in life as well.
P.S. I'm still going to be mostly lurking around and doing research. I guess lurking is my default now. One day I'll have to change that too.
Never too late to change.
I had a similar childhood, grew up as a girl, was always mistaken as a girl and having a name like Drew and wearing my elder sisters hand down clothes maybe had something to do with that. Dad wasn't impressed to put it lightly but mum was boss. Found me a private boarding school in England that would accept a very, very young boy with long hair. We lived at that time about 3 hours drive to the nearest English speaking school. It was only after puberty that people realised something wasn't quite right with me and boys stopped asking my sister "what's your sister's name" So I can relate to having a somewhat confusing childhood, well wasn't confusing at all until puberty kicked in.
Can also relate with the buying female clothes and toys, terrified of being caught then purging everything only to start all over again after a while.
I suspect most people here have purged more than once.
Am sure you will get to where you feel comfortable eventually but sounds like you are making a start. Personally I now wish I had found my path 20 years ago, but the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
I had a similar childhood, grew up as a girl, was always mistaken as a girl and having a name like Drew and wearing my elder sisters hand down clothes maybe had something to do with that. Dad wasn't impressed to put it lightly but mum was boss. Found me a private boarding school in England that would accept a very, very young boy with long hair. We lived at that time about 3 hours drive to the nearest English speaking school. It was only after puberty that people realised something wasn't quite right with me and boys stopped asking my sister "what's your sister's name" So I can relate to having a somewhat confusing childhood, well wasn't confusing at all until puberty kicked in.
Can also relate with the buying female clothes and toys, terrified of being caught then purging everything only to start all over again after a while.
I suspect most people here have purged more than once.
Am sure you will get to where you feel comfortable eventually but sounds like you are making a start. Personally I now wish I had found my path 20 years ago, but the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
On the bright side you dont really have to choose.
I'm 70 and have been wrestling with this since I was 6.
After finally coming out to my 'sometimes' accepting wife 10 years ago, I thought I was finally on my way to a feminine life.
I had a work from home job and was always in a dress and makeup. I was in Heaven!
Then a few life things happened, I retired, finally built a garage I had always wanted, and moved my auto collection in doors. Within a week everything changed and the greasy finger mechanic re-emerged and hasnt gone away.
I still dress in the evening, and wear a bra and panties everyday.
But that just feels good and makes me happy.
Being a woman feelings are pretty much gone.
Thats just me. There are many who are really a woman trapped in a mans body and others that need both sexes to be happy. This by the way, was what my SAGE test told me and it was dead on.
Happy journey,
Bobbi
I'm 70 and have been wrestling with this since I was 6.
After finally coming out to my 'sometimes' accepting wife 10 years ago, I thought I was finally on my way to a feminine life.
I had a work from home job and was always in a dress and makeup. I was in Heaven!
Then a few life things happened, I retired, finally built a garage I had always wanted, and moved my auto collection in doors. Within a week everything changed and the greasy finger mechanic re-emerged and hasnt gone away.
I still dress in the evening, and wear a bra and panties everyday.
But that just feels good and makes me happy.
Being a woman feelings are pretty much gone.
Thats just me. There are many who are really a woman trapped in a mans body and others that need both sexes to be happy. This by the way, was what my SAGE test told me and it was dead on.
Happy journey,
Bobbi
Quote:On the bright side you dont really have to choose.
I'm 70 and have been wrestling with this since I was 6.
After finally coming out to my 'sometimes' accepting wife 10 years ago, I thought I was finally on my way to a feminine life.
I had a work from home job and was always in a dress and makeup. I was in Heaven!
Then a few life things happened, I retired, finally built a garage I had always wanted, and moved my auto collection in doors. Within a week everything changed and the greasy finger mechanic re-emerged and hasnt gone away.
I still dress in the evening, and wear a bra and panties everyday.
But that just feels good and makes me happy.
Being a woman feelings are pretty much gone.
Thats just me. There are many who are really a woman trapped in a mans body and others that need both sexes to be happy. This by the way, was what my SAGE test told me and it was dead on.
Happy journey,
Bobbi
I'm pretty much the same way since I've lived my whole life as a guy, except those very few moments I wasn't. There were times I would get so comfortable with it that those thoughts and desires seemed to have faded away completely. They always return though like it has recently so that is why I'm just going to focus on my health, since I have been living a sedentary life style. I used to work out a lot years ago and with all the information on the net about nutrition and health has made learning about my body much easier. I'll just keep making goals and see what I accomplish in the end. Thank you all for the support.
Tbob
You don't need to lurk here. You can remain anonymous and use this as a place to externalize your feelings to a group that understands what you're going through. I wish you the best in your journey.
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