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So, nothing bad’s gonna happen, is it?
OK Ladies, a few weeks ago, I finally did, I watched the mouse pointer blinking over the “Press to Confirm Order and Purchase” button on the screen, I clicked it, and the deed was done - wasn't too sure about the company I'd ordered from, but it was too late now.

At which point, my brain went into overload... what if they don’t arrive?, well, it’s not the end of the world, I’ve only lost $30; and if they do arrive? well l they won’t do anything anyway; but what if they do... what if I suddenly have this big pair bouncing around on my chest?; what if my dick shrinks to some ridiculously minute size?; how the hell am I going to explain that?; I don’t know why I’m doing this, it’s stupid, dumb, actually....” But, no one’s forcing me to take them, it's me that's "forcing" the issues, so....

Anyway about a week later arrived – a padded envelope, an order receipt, instructions, and a sealed plastic bag of brown-ish capsules. Don’t know whether anyone else has had this or not, but someone had been a bit creative with the instructions, they were almost laughable:

“Congratulations on your purchase, you have taken the first steps towards realising your dreams. The journey you are about to embark on, will be full of wonder and excitement and your life will be changed forever.

The length of this journey and the final results will vary from one person to another, so do not be discouraged if you do not see visible changes immediately - but rest assured, change IS happening. From your first capsule, deep within, your biological finger print is being modified.

For the best results, mental imagery, and self-alignment – brain training - are crucial components. You must visualise what you wish to SEE in your future, and your brain will start to mould your genetic code to align with those images.

Now, if you’re ready, let’s begin your transformation.”

And then the usual take this, take that, do this, don’t do that, medical disclaimers kind of stuff.

I mean, really? Mental imagery, self-alignment, “visualise what you wish to SEE in your future”? There are people that actually believe this crap? Sorry if you’re one of them, no offence intended, but that’s just not me.

None-the-less, I popped the first capsule in, and thought OK, yeah, I know, it’s dumb, but why not, stranger things have happened. So, who’s it gonna be tonight... OK, Kate Beckensale. And, over the following nights I did the same thing, Kate Beckensale, Pamela Anderson, J-Lo, the lead singer from The Bangles, Kourtney K (yeah, I know, but why not?) – I think I even tried Bruce/Caitlin at one point LOL.

Anyway, I’ve been popping the pills as per the instructions ever since, and about a day or so after I started, the familiar ache in the chest returned, so something was definitely going on. I know a watched kettle never boils, but every day I checked them in the mirror, took a couple snaps on the phone - the usual “has there been any change since yesterday” process - well in reality, not much had changed, 'cept my ass appeared to be a bit bigger.

Then last night a buddy came over, for a couple of beers – and the “couple of beers” became a couple of 6-packs, and during the normal BS conversational routine, he said that his kids had just discovered the movie “Who Shot Roger Rabbit”. Yeah I know, I know, and, sorry, but I did.... last night it was Jessica Rabbit and that red dress, that I tried to visualise as I went to sleep.
And I’m still can’t believe I’m telling you all this, coz I feel really stupid, but this morning, something did feel different, really different - other than mid-week hangover from hell. Maybe this “Visualise what you wish to SEE in your future” wasn’t just BS - but why now, why had "wishing to SEE Jessica Rabbit", apparently had this effect?

Why? Well I’ll tell you why, because according to the bathroom mirror.... I turned into fucking Bob Hoskins!! Big Grin

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