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Hello Again Everybody (part 2 of 3?)
#1
Now that I introduced myself, it's time to continue...

I never had many friends in my life. In sixth grade I actually considered I had three friends. But by the time I reached ninth grade, I no longer had any.

That's why I'm glad I had my father. He is probably my best friend. And it's funny about our similarities. We both look alike. Some say we actually look more like brothers and others just have no clue which was is which... So it's funny we had similar problems. He was less than confident with his package, so he was shyer to women than most guys. Me, the same. He did have relationships with a couple girls. Me, none.

My dad got jealous of one of his friends - how can this guy who I feel is uglier than me gonna get married? He set my dad up with my mom - which WAS only to be a one-night-stand...

I've been lurking around this site for a year or so, and I was curious that men could actually grow female breasts... So, out of curiosity, I asked my dad if he would be interested in doing so? My dad said that he would have - in his twenties. My dad has multiple sclerosis, as do I. Before my dad was diagnosed, the doctors were trying to find out what his didn't have first. His major symptom at the time was that he had to pee all the time. So, the doctors gave him saw palmetto. Let's say he had to stop taking it because his nipples started to get really sensitive. It's kinda funny when you look around here and find out that you could take saw palmetto...

Regardless, my dad told me back in 1999 that when he pleasured himself he always pretended he was the girl. Same as me. And before he stopped pleasuring himself, now, (he no longer gets erections), he would always search porn websites so he could hear the women scream out in pleasure. He could even tell if they were fake or not. That was his thing... But me, personally, I don't get the whole naked women dancing/seducing thing. Maybe it's because I'm still a virgin...

---

When I was in junior high, I got used to the "fact" that girls said I was ugly. So maybe I feared them? I remember when I was a child, maybe 10. I was playing around with extended family members at a get-together at my great-grandfather's house. We were playing tag, or something, and I accidentally touched a girl's boob. I literally freaked out when she immediately went to go tell my mom. 

I always kept to myself, did my school stuff. That's what my mom always wanted for me. So when I went to a technical college so study about computer technical support, that's what I continued to do. Everything was fine and dandy until 2001, when I had a long-distance relationship with a girl, Andrea, who lived close to Milwaukee. She was a junior or senior in high school. We both watched the sci-fi show Farscape and loved the character Chiana. The actress had her own website with a message board. I frequented there a lot. In September we started e-mailing each other and in October/November we exchanged phone numbers. I considered her as just a friend until she wrote me she had depression, and only her close friends knew that. My feeling started to change at that second. Ultimately, I called her on her birthday to wish her the best, on December 26, but when she asked how I was doing, I told her my feelings. And she didn't have the same... She and I didn't drive. She had her license, but was afraid to drive and I still don't even have my license. When I went to the private high school, it wasn't mandatory to take drivers' courses. And I didn't choose to, partly because I was afraid of being targeted by the kids at school, and partly because I didn't want to fail. So I never saw her face. All I know was the she was 5-3, and lost weight go from 160 to 130 pounds... My dad answered the phone once when I wasn't home, and he told me she had a sexy voice.

I then fell into a depression. And I lost weight, from ~340 to 310 pounds. And I noticed it right away because my boobs got smaller. The right one was always a little smaller, but it got more apparent. Pleasuring myself wasn't as good, I hated one boob being bigger than the other. But as I was in the relationship with Andrea, I didn't pleasure myself at all. I didn't want to "ruin it". For a total of sixth months I never played video games or pleasured myself. Instead, in my grief, I found that I had a release by writing poetry. I never did that before. I also found myself being more empathic towards others, I could "see" their feelings on people's faces... After the relationship, in the year 2002, I got the courage to e-mail a female classmate, Pam, that I was interested in her, and that I write poetry. I wouldn't classify as beautiful, but she wasn't ugly at all. Then at the last day of class I had the chance to actually talk to her. Two chances, but I chickened out. I felt that I was too "ugly" to talk to her. Besides, I'm fat and she's skinny - why would she be interested in me... I was hoping she would come and talk to me first.

Later in the year, I saw Lisa again. We had a class together and it was the first time I saw her since junior high. After a class period, I was doing my homework and she approached ME. She talked to me. But it was unfortunate when she told me she had a kid. I don't want to be a parent, though my mom says I'd be a great dad. And besides, I wanted to get my homework done rather than anything else.

And in the same class, I was introduced to Bridget. She always made me say hello to her. It was funny how she wasn't skinny, but I never noticed that. On the last day of class, we had to edit our papers and we worked on them together in the computer lab. She was hitting on me and I was okay with that. But I had my chance to give her my e-mail and phone number and I didn't realize I had the chance until three hours later. That was a bummer.

But during the same time, I worked as a lab aide. It was my first job and I made money. Then the following year I had an internship. But none of those lasted. But when I was an intern, I had my first "experience" with the past. I had to go fix a computer and I didn't realize a lady was talking to me when she called me "sir". I had my back to her, concentrated on the computer. But when she referred to me as a feminine pronoun, forget which one, I realized she was talking to me...

There was another time at the tech when something was amiss... During a class, some guys were talking about the singer Gwen Stefani. I turned the guy saying, "I think Gwen Stefani is hot..." He looked at me with the weirdest face, one that would make you think, "how can someone so fat and ugly like you like a woman who's hot..."

After graduation I had on job opportunity at a company down by Milwaukee, as a help desk person. I immediately turned it down because I have terrible phone skills and I'd much rather be doing/fixing something than sitting around doing nothing.

Between the years of 2003 and 2007 I didn't have a job. My sister had a dog who injured her knee, so I went to the pet hospital for her rehab. I had a couple of chances of talking to women, but I didn't think I was good enough. One time I went with my brother-in-law, and it was the first time I was referred to as being homosexual. That I needed to go to church. I must have misspoke, but the tech girl thought that I said I was the "momma" of the dog as I was talking to it during rehab. My brother-in-law and I both didn't understand why we needed "to go to church."  Something was amiss because the dog was owned by sister and her husband - I was neither. Ignorance?

It wasn't until 2007 when I got my job that I still currently work at - as a grocery stocker. I don't remember the years, but I remember that I switched undershirts from a t-shirt to a muscle shirt to hide my boobs. I remember in my junior high years when I started looking at security cameras in shirts, which show what it's seeing... It was terrible when I saw that it looked like I had legitimate female boobs. In fact I still do. I remember I tried out a different compression shirt a few years ago and while looking at a security camera, it didn't hide anything. I never wore that shirt again.

In the year 2012, there was a girl who worked third shift with the crew. She was the first girl ever to work third. Her name was Amelia. She was 19 and I was 30 at the time. She was so beautiful, I couldn't look at her face. And when I showed her which bays she had to straighten, or face, the first time, I just hurriedly did so because I didn't feel like I could even talk to her. Long story short, we had a connection and I actually think she may have liked me. Every time she was with me at work, she'd make these weird noises that I noticed she never made with the others. There was even a point when as we were walking to the clock to punch out, she said under her breath that she thinks she  wants to marry me. Pretending I didn't hear, I said, "what?" She was like, "It's nothing." She even chose to sit right next to me during a meeting...

One night my boss approached me and told me that Amelia has been talking to him about me. Me, excited an scared, was nervous when she approached me while I was facing. She was abnormally quiet. I felt that I had to do something to see if what we had was real or not, so I made a choice that was either going to win or lose for me. I thought I could trust her, so I made the ultimate hail Mary statement. I told her a secret that no one else knew, not even my family... I told her, "I dabble in cross-dressing." She paused and said something that offended me so much that I hated her for years, "So that's why you have boobs."

She walked away and we were done, with whatever we may or may not have had. She later transferred to a different department, then left the store.

---

When I worked at the grocery store, I eventually made enough money to buy my own bras. My favorites are the Just My Size bras, sizes 44B, 44C and 44D from Walmart's website. I also bought sports bras so I could push up my boobs to make them look bigger and then I would put the 44C bra on, although they're more of a B size. I graduated to the normal pleasuring technique, alternating hands so one would be able to rub the left or right nipple. The process happens in my room.

I started buying breast forms a few years ago. I also have women's tops... But that's the extent of my cross-dressing. Bras and tops, only for pleasuring myself. Twice I wore bras in public, but it didn't do anything for me.

I still live with my parents. They give me privacy.

Before I had my own credit card, I used my sister's. I would buy bras and have them shipped to my house. No one knew much of anything until the day my sister opened a package, thinking I bought a video game. When I came out of my room, I was approached by my sister. She actually told me it wasn't an issue. She said that if I wanted to wear a bra to make me feel better about myself, there's no problem. I was terribly embarrassed because now my mom, dad and one of my aunt's know now. It was the 44D. My aunt was like, "you have breasts, but they're not that big." She always seemed to be jealous. Since I was a "tween" she groped me, saying those were her boobies. I forced her to stop in my early/mid teens.

---

There was another old co-worker, Derek. We worked great together. We goofed off, had lots of fun. We almost became real friends. He always thought it was funny when I stuck out my butt like a woman. But a few years again we had a disagreement during work, HR became involved, and he ultimately left.

Then there's my boss, Kevin. I appreciated how much he cared for his workers. One reason I never wanted to work was because all of the bosses my parents and family had were bad. I didn't want to deal with that at all. He wasn't that at all. There was this one point, not sure why, where he approached me asking, "do you love me?" I was taken aback, but I replied, "I love you as my boss."

Then there was that time when the past returned...

There were two old co-workers, and one of them said to me that I should check my boobs to prevent cancer. And the other was like, "Yeah, they are pretty big."

It's so frustrating how one time people see it but don't care, then there's times when they do.

But there were still girls who approached me. Cashiers at work. One of them actually came up to me and asked if I wanted to be a dad. When I said no, she literally quit like two weeks later. Then there was the one bakery lady that would always wave at me. I was like, "Me? She was too pretty to be interested in me." I literally looked behind me to make sure she wasn't waving at someone behind. She walked past with a bakery co-worker, like begging me to say hi to her... But I didn't, I was having a rough night... She quit like a month later. 

There's a gas stating close to the grocery store. There was a cashier by the name of Leah. She was pretty hot. When my mom and I would go in, she would always remember things. She had blonde hair; I love blondes. I remember one morning I got done with work early and went into the gas station for coffee and such, and when I saw Leah's hair, it looked angelic. I wanted to comment about, but I chickened out... She always was happy to see me. She must have lost patience, because she eventually stopped working there.

There was this last cashier that liked me. I even got the courage to give her my Facebook info. The very next day she told me she got a new job working at a cemetery and she didn't friend me because I didn't have anything to show (I have it set to friends only). I think it boiled down to where I seemed to have looked younger than I was and all these girls must have been much younger than me. So when I turned 35, I stopped getting my old haircut.

Then there was this one time when I had a dream of a lady, I saw her face. And that night I actually saw her at the grocery store. She hung around by me for a few minutes, but I was too chicken to say hello...

And in speaking of dreams...


To Be Concluded???
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#2
(03-12-2018, 02:13 PM)Lancer Wrote: Now that I introduced myself, it's time to continue...


Interesting story. It seems a bit depressing at times and what seems like a lack of self esteem. I hope in your future you can muster some up and become the best possible person you can be. I'll look forward to part 3. 

Best of Wishes!
~Pandora
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