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Hello Everybody (part 1 of 3?)
Hi. My name is Lance. I'm from Wisconsin and I just turned 37 in mid-late November.

Oh, where to begin.... I always like to tell long stories, because I feel you need to tell everything for people to understand everything...

In general, I was always shy and self-conscious about almost everything. I started to get picked on in the first grade because I was really tall, and the second graders didn't like it. Then I got glasses in second grade. Then got fat. I got picked on because of my nose - "Snuffleupagus" classmate Nathan always told me.

I was bullied, everyone wanted to knock me down, literally. There was that one kid that always targeted me, punched me in the gut...

Then I had my own family... One of my aunts told me that it I ever look as ugly as my dad when I get older, she'll kill me. I have big feet, so my sister and same aunt would call them skis. My aunt says my big toes are big enough to be thumbs...

So when I was introduced to video games, I did that all the time to get away from it all.

Then fast forward to seventh grade, to the day that changed my life forever... Thankfully I forgot his name, but I will always remember what he said...

I was walking in to F.A.C.E. class (re-branded home-ec) and this kid said, "Hey Lance. Your boobs are bigger than most of the girls I know."

I then looked down and saw them, for the first time. I was... (thinking) Ashamed? I don't know... But that was when I started to wear under-shirts and pull them into my pants in order to hide them. I remember that I had some sort of doctor physical visit thing and near the end of the visit my mom brought up "my large chest" to the doctor. He said that if it doesn't go down I could take medicine for it. We never did anything about it, basically because that doctor soon retired.

One of my uncles had gynecomastia - was almost turned away from trick-or-treating candy because, as I was told, the lady didn't believe he was actually a boy when he was dressed as a girl... His mom even gave him the nickname "Boobs". His gyno went away, mine never did.

But then things for me got a little more weirder... Back into seventh grade, after the revelation... I went to typing class and then one time I felt a weird sensation on my left boob (that's what I'll always call it) when my forearm was rubbing against it as I was typing. I think when I got home I felt that thing... It was my nipple. All I know was that sensation felt REALLY good.

And then I must have ultimately felt the right one, almost just as good. So I started to play with my boobs, making cleavage with them, and the such... But I remember one time when I was in my room doing it with the door open (my bedroom door was always open), I didn't see that my dad was in his room across the hall, watching me. He asked, "Do you always do that?" I looked up, embarrassed. I let go of my boobs and told him, "No."

Of course that was a lie, but I then made sure to look around first to make sure no one was watching. That was really embarrassing...

After a while, through the years of seventh grade and Junior in high school, I started looking around my mom's lingerie drawer. I wanted to know how big my boobs were - My mom was a 44C at the time (still?). So I started trying them all on. Only two or three I liked the smooth surface on them where I can rub my nipples. She had a 42B bra, and I was shocked that when I put it on, it gave me a little bit of cleavage. It wasn't too much, I couldn't go to the bathroom mirror and physically see it, but I could see it when I looked down.

That's when I started to take my mom's bras that I liked. I also liked to pull my boobs over my mom's bras to make them look bigger - that was always fun. I would then put on one of my white t-shirts that I used as an undershirt and go to the bathroom and pleasure myself. It was an odd way, I would rub my penis against the toilet seat as I was sitting on it, allowing me to rub both my nipples at the same time. After I climaxed, I would then flush the toilet.

I got just ahead of myself a little bit (common for me)... It was either later in seventh grade or maybe in eighth grade I started to become sexually mature with those damn fucking wet dreams... I used to go to bed, putting a tissue over my penis so I wouldn't have to change the sheets the next morning... I was so glad when those stopped...

But yeah, I hid my mom's favorite bras, wrapping them in my favorite t-shirts so I could pleasure myself with more ease. And no matter where the hell I hid them my dad would always find them and remove them...

Then there was the time when I used my mom's 42B bra and broke a shoulder strap. I "fixed" it with packing tape, but it wasn't the same. Didn't matter, my dad eventually found it. Fucker (laughs). Strangely, my mom commented to me once that "someone" broke one of her favorite bras...

After my older sister (DD cup if your curious) started working more, I started to look around her room. That's when I experimented with putting on her night gowns. I didn't "get" anything from it, so didn't bother.

But I DID find her sports bras... There was this one I really liked. It was hard for me to put on, but when I pulled my boobs over the top of it... Nothing but wow - massive cleavage.

Speaking of my sister, I remember when she picked on me because of my boobs. I remember when I was watching the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective at home for the first time. I wasn't wearing a shirt, I'm home so... But yeah, there was this one point of the movie when Ace was telling a story to a lady and his voice got quieter and quieter, and then he yelled or something to make her jump... Well, I did to, and my sister pointed out that my boobs bounced around when I did that...


But school was still tough. I was always self-conscious about my boobs. I even remember back in ninth grade I purposely lost on a school spelling bee qualifier because I didn't want everyone to see a fat guy with boobs. I didn't get picked on in junior high, per se, but it bothered me. I became so big in playing video games, I lost sleep - maybe even missing out on a relationship opportunity in eighth grade with Lisa. Apparently she was giving me clues that she wanted to go on a date, but without much sleep I don't even remember if she even did or not. But, who would want to be with me anyways...

Regardless... I don't remember the exact time frame, but there was this one time where I almost got busted while pleasuring myself in the bathroom - by my dad (pattern?). I pleasured myself at night because everyone was sleeping, duh, so I always left the door open - what could go wrong???

I wasn't wearing a shirt, but my boobs were propped up how I like it. So I'm sitting on the toilet, doing my thing, when I heard footsteps. Lucky for me the shower was right next to the toilet and it had a towel on it. So I snatched it and wrapped it over my neck and around the front to hid the bra as much as possible...

It was my dad (right?). He was like, "What are you doing?" I actually don't remember the rest of the conversation, but I was indeed able to get away with it with him not noticing...

Then came high school. I went from public school to a private, religious school. My mom wanted me to learn about God anyway, I was the first in the family not to get confirmed to the church our family used to frequent. But, my dad sorta spilled the beans on it. I don't know how to swim and the high school had a swimming class. My cousin, four years older, said that kids he went to school with failed gym class because they couldn't swim. I guess my mom didn't want that for me, she wanted me to have a great education anyway.

Besides, I'd have to take off my shirt. Which reminds me... Back when I was 12/13/14/15 we always went on summer vacations in Green Bay, just because, and we went to the same hotel that had a pool and hot tub. I remember one time when I took off my shirt to go in the shallow end of the pool and there was this family, with kids, that gave me this look. You know the look that makes you uncomfortable because your boobs are bigger than they should be...

But yeah, high school was different. I had to get a physical (you have to anyway before you go to high school, right?) and that's when I found out I was 6-4, weighed 340 pounds and was labeled "morbidly obese."

It was weird that all the girls were curious about me when I first started high school. I actually felt uncomfortable with girls wanting to talk to me. They asked me which girl I liked the most. They went through themselves and then names of other girls. I told them that I wasn't into girls at the time, because I was more concerned with my education. However, the one I liked the most was named Angela. She was a cheerleader - a little over five feet tall. She reminded me of another girl that I liked in ninth grade, but I never told anyone that I liked her. Besides, she was with a guy, Joey, so she's hands off anyway. But still, for the first semester in my sophomore year, she was so interested in me. She looked like she really cared for what I had to say. And there was this one time I got sick and missed a worm dissection. I had to make it up during study hall, so I went to the science classroom to do it. During the middle of class, Angela came to the back of the room where I was and wanted to talk to me. Unfortunately, I was into getting the dissection done so I could get back to study hall than talking to her.

After that first semester, she didn't care for me whatsoever for the rest of the time in high school.


Then it happened all over again. There was this guy, Tim, where he would pick on me in class. He did that one line from Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, "Did you say steak?" I never really understood why, but he always did it. I'm not sure if I was a junior or a senior, but since I was a transfer I had to take a couple classes that was intended for a different school class. In senior year, I had to take a music class that was meant for the freshman or sophomore class. He was a class behind and we were able to get it fixed by the end of the year.

Then there was another incident. I forgot his name, but one time me and a guy were in the hall between classes and he literally poked me in the left boob. Apparently he wanted to know if it was real. All I know was that after he did it, I walked over to him and wrapped my right arm around his neck. I then proceeded to give him a choke hold and told him something abound to not ever do that again. Then his friends came by and told me to stop it. Apparently he was turning blue or something. All I know was that I appeared to be the bad guy. It didn't matter, I was hazed when I first started high school. We never had to lock our lockers, but a guy stole my hymnal. After school, I told my mom about it and she called the principal. The next day, I found my hymnal on the floor below my locker. Locks were given when school first started and after my hymnal was stolen, I locked my locker for the rest of the time there. My classmates wanted me to take off the lock, but they messed it up. Long story short, that guy was kicked out of school and I became the #1 bad guy because of it. Apparently he was their drug guy.

I actually stopped feeling like the outsider during the graduation ceremony.

But in junior year I took a Spanish class that was meant for seniors. I ultimately liked two girls, Jenn and Heidi. Heidi was the most flirtatious of the two, so she quickly became my favorite (hey, i'm a Scorpio). At the end of the school year, she actually gave me her phone number in my yearbook. My sister really wanted me to call her, but I chickened out. Years later, I reconnected with Jenn on Facebook and she told me that it was a good thing I didn't call her because she liked to have guys fall in love with her so she can break up with them.

And that's when I started losing trust in women. Was it all a game this whole time? Why not, all the girls who "liked" me were all skinny, what would they want to do with a fat-ass like me?

To Be Continued...
I forgot two things...

1. When I first became self-conscious about my boobs, I remember one time I was sitting on the toilet after I got home from school and I envisioned grabbing and pulling out my boobs, starting with the left one, taking a big knife and cutting them off. Knowing it would have been really dumb idea, to say the least, I also envisioned me taking toenail clippers and clipping off my nipples...

2. Because I remember being embarrassed when I looked down and saw my nipples poking through my shirt. I don't remember when or where, junior high or high school, but I did wear band-aids over then to hide them for a time.

Ever since I lost self-confidence, I just wanted to be invisible to where no one could see me. I just wanted to be just like everyone else and not stick out in the crowd.
Thank you for sharing. You'll find acceptance here and a safe place to share your feelings. Lots of people talk about boobs, nipples and herbs here but I sometimes wish more would discuss the emotions, the conflicts, etc.

Where are you at now? Do you like your boobs? Consider yourself a male or a female?

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