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Hi I'm Allyson
#1
I have been reading posts on BN for a long time now.  I feel that I already know many of you and that it is finally time to join in the conversation.  

First, and most importantly, thank you all of my sisters for your honesty and openness on this forum. You have no idea how much you have helped someone you didn't even know existed.   

I have had GD feelings since my earliest memories , but learned quickly that these feelings made others VERY uncomfortable and were best kept to myself.  I have done what was expected of me and fulfilled my male role for over half a century, but when the option for early retirement presented itself, i jumped on it as I was having trouble keeping the girl inside chained down.  My DW has noticed and made comments but is "ostrich accepting", meaning that as long as she can hide her head in the sand, she doesn't openly object (more on this later).  I have experimented with NBE, and later UNBE (UnNatural Breast Enhancement, that is synthetics) off and on for probably 30 years.  Over the  years, I have had a combination of professional electrolysis, and laser to the point where I have only a feminine triangle of body hair and no need to shave my body or face.  I use DIY IPE and electrolysis to keep up with the stray hairs.   

Circumstances of the last few years have made it more and more difficult to make it to the gym, which, along with advancing age, has resulted in some weight gain and gynecomastia, I realized that while I really wanted to lose the extra weight, I most definitely did not want to lose the breast growth, so did not even try to lose the weight.  Trying pharmaceutical assistance again to see if I could enhance growth, I apparently hit on my perfect combination which resulted in some rapid growth but, most critically, a quieting of the dissonance within my head for the first time in my life.  Multiple attempts at stopping resulted in shrieking from the girl within, and I and others did not like my repeated attempts to return to "male mode" at all, even though they had no idea what was causing the changes.  So, I have been continuing UNBE more for the mental effects than the boob growth, which genuinely surprises me, but it is reaching a point that the growth is hard to hide, even under layers.  I need to have "The Chat" with DW but am terrified.  I have many friends and family, but she is the only one I really care enough about not losing to try to stuff the genie back in the bottle, which I find is impossible anyway.  Sorry if this is TMI, but I feel I owe my BN family full disclosure.  

Looking forward to the conversation-

Allyson
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#2
Hi Allyson, 

Your journey sounds similar to many among us, good luck and welcome. Smile
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#3
Welcome to the forum. Believe it not, your story is very similar to others here. Most of us at one time or another have tried to "Man up" for the sakes of others around us. It lasts for a while, sometimes years, until the strain becomes too much to take.

As they say, welcome home.
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#4
As you sort of observed, I am like you.  My therapist thinks I have had a female/male side all of my life without consciously knowing.  I am married to a lady whom I love terribly , but she to likes to pull up the blanket over her eyes so she don't see the boogeyman. (me).

So join in for a terrifying right.  But keep you eyes open, otherwise you will miss important things going on with yourself.
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#5
Hello and welcome, it's a great big new world out there and can be absolutely wonderful albeit a bit terrifying at the same time. As mentioned, many people in similar situations, or been there done that. 

I try and try to say something, but I am constantly met with fierce resistance every time I even hint at it. Guess only time will tell. I wish you the best of luck and glad to have you aboard.
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#6
(26-09-2016, 11:14 PM)Lotus Wrote: Hi Allyson, 

Your journey sounds similar to many among us, good luck and welcome. Smile


Thank you Lotus- you are my guru.  I love reading your posts, even if I have to read them several times and still don't understand it all.  I want to learn and  understand what we are trying to do to our bodies.
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#7
(26-09-2016, 11:51 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: Welcome to the forum. Believe it not, your story is very similar to others here. Most of us at one time or another have tried to "Man up" for the sakes of others around us. It lasts for a while, sometimes years, until the strain becomes too much to take.

As they say, welcome home.


Thank you Janet.  I have drawn much encouragement from you journey.  I appreciate your kind words- I do feel like I am coming home.
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#8
(27-09-2016, 12:14 AM)iaboy Wrote: As you sort of observed, I am like you.  My therapist thinks I have had a female/male side all of my life without consciously knowing.  I am married to a lady whom I love terribly , but she to likes to pull up the blanket over her eyes so she don't see the boogeyman. (me).

So join in for a terrifying right.  But keep you eyes open, otherwise you will miss important things going on with yourself.


Thank  you Iaboy- yes, I have observed our similarities.  I will try to keep my eyes open- even during the scariest parts of the movie.
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#9
(27-09-2016, 02:46 AM)Sofia Lauren Bunny Wrote: Hello and welcome, it's a great big new world out there and can be absolutely wonderful albeit a bit terrifying at the same time. As mentioned, many people in similar situations, or been there done that. 

I try and try to say something, but I am constantly met with fierce resistance every time I even hint at it. Guess only time will tell. I wish you the best of luck and glad to have you aboard.


Precious Bunny- thank you for your warm welcome and kind words.  I have followed your progress and understand what you are saying- I think DW knew before I did, but seems to derail every attempt to discuss it.  However, the pink elephant in the room is getting harder to ignore.
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#10
Hello Allyson.

Welcome to the forum.   Cool
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