30-05-2016, 04:18 PM
(29-05-2016, 10:07 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: Sophia,
I will just say a few things from my perspective, they may or may not have any bearing on your particular problems.
I will probably touch on a few things already mentioned, but here we go.
I think its fair to say, although your SO seemed to flip out on the panties, I can almost guarantee the panties were not really the issue. The panties are a small thing, on top of everything else that is going on.
Our wives see the person they married slipping away. Yes, I know we redefine ourselves every few years, we are never the same person we were when we were teenagers. We change slowly over time, as do everyone else around us. We never notice those changes in ourselves, we hardly even notice those changes in others. But, the changes we ( as a group ) are going through end up being much faster and much more noticeable. For some, a slight feminine look, a softening of the rough edges is enough to quell the feeling. For others ( I am looking in my mirror here ) they need more. As we change, we feel more content, but our wifes ( unless we are very very lucky ) tend to go the other way. She will see her MAN being stolen by another woman, the problem is that women is her MAN. She is in turmoil, she still loves you, but wants so much to hate the woman you are becoming. If your already in a volatile relationship, this is going to make things even worse. Some times the pink fog consumes us, it ends up being a full steam ahead, because the feeling we get looking at our feminine selves causes us so much calm, we end up missing all the danger signs from our wives, until its just a pair of panties that causes a melt down.
I don't believe you mentioned if you had showed you wife the makeover pictures or not, but I know from personal experience that although my wife picked out my first set of clothes, my underwear, my shoes, and suggested a lady to help me with my makeup, she still had a melt down the first time I went to my support meeting as Jannet. In her words, the person she married ceased to exist when she finally saw Jannet.
Can you put Sophia away ? I am sure you can manage quite well for a few weeks, maybe a few months, but there is a chance this will eat you away from the inside. What I would suggest is that you slow down, give your wife time to catch up with your changes. ( The old saying " its far easier to boil a frog if you start the water cold and slowly heat it up, than it is to just drop the frog in a pot of boiling water." Springs to mind )
Does this work for everybody ? I cannot answer that. Only you can judge how things are progressing in your life. I know at times going slow will feel like its too slow ( for you ) but your wife will think your still going too fast.
One thing to keep reminding yourself ( I have to do this all the time ) when you have a disagreement, what is it over ? If its over Sophia, you really have to give her a little traction on that, going into a full blown argument over Sophia is not going to help either you or her.
Will she leave you if you continue, will you be able to live with your self if you don't, those are only questions that can be answered with time. Its almost 3 years since I came out to my wife, just after our 25th anniversary, ( timing was never my strong point ) I was not expecting to last the week, but here we are. Will we stay together ? Its hard to say, but we will try and last as long as we can.
Keep thinking positive, things are never as bad as they first seem. If she really hated you that much then she would be gone already. Remember, no matter how far you eventually go, nothing says you have to present as Sophia full time.
One thought, Do your kids know about Sophia ? If not, you may want to consider how you are going to tell them. ( I told my teenage boys 18 months ago, I am still Dad to them )
I know you do not seem interested in a support group, but you do not have to join one as Sophia, there are a few in our group who show up in drab, not everybody is ready to show the world the person we feel inside.
If you need somebody to messenger with one on one, I can send you my face book email.
Hang on in there and keep thinking happy thoughts.
Thanks Jannet, you've been quite helpful and I appreciate it. I must say all this back and forth in my head is enough to drive a person insane. *sigh* Time, patience, happy thoughts... Repeat...
I don't believe there is any undoing of the genie that has been let out of the bottle, if anything as time progresses, I want more. But I am riddled with guilt, it feels so selfish to want what I want. Then with society being so f'd up, and finding out just how narrow minded people can be I wonder if any of it is even worthwhile. I hear so much ridicule on the radio, and TV, and posts from "friends" on the antisocial network Facebook. Digging into those threads there are still sooooo many people that find TG, CD, GID, to be abnormal, somehow those are the deviants. When in reality they are just using that as a scape goat. Finding someone to put the blame on to give them what?? some sense of fulfillment in finding someone to blame??? Perhaps the path I am on is dangerous, it is re-awakening emotions and feelings I had long since shut out and suppressed. I am quite an emotional being and wore my heart on my sleeve completely exposed to the world, only to learn that there are those that would take advantage, and I would be left to be preyed upon. So I boxed everything up, which was an arduous task. Now it is all coming apart and I struggle at times to keep it all together.
I may have to seek help in local groups if I am to figure things out. While it may risk exposure that I am not ready for, it may provide answers that I need. So much to think about, so much to do.
Thank you Jannet for being such a dear and sharing your insight with me. It has given me a lot of think about.