I'm torn.
On one hand I'd love to help you, I really would. I can feel your frustrations...
But on the other... I'm not sure you could be entirely responsible with anything I might tell you.
The way you're waffling still tells me you aren't mature enough to handle this journey...
I think you should seek professional counsel. Or go on your own inner soul search without professional help if you think you can handle it... I hesitate to offer you the names of any mild opiate herbs to help on that journey, though, because once again... I'm just not feeling comfortable with how responsible you can be.
I know you said something about being young, but this isn't about that for me. I don't care if you were ten, if you showed me that you were responsibly minded, I'd start offering all my wealth of knowledge in a heartbeat.