Amanda, I'm so happy about the turnaround in your struggle for freedom and acceptance. Your story continues to track similar to my own. It's so important to remove the fear that a partner naturally feels when first confronted by a potential breakup of what is basically a good relationship. That your wife is attracted to your feminized body also follows my own recent experience, and it is indeed a welcome aspect of your sexual/gender reawakening. What used to be, for me, a reluctance to engage in traditional man-woman sex, has become an attraction to physical intimacy that has replenished our sex lives. TBH, I wish I had come to terms with my gender identity issues at an earlier age. Best of luck to you in this new phase of your life, hon.
Clara
Clara
Dear Kristen, I can relate, sweetheart! 
I wish there was an easy answer to give to you. I also face a diminished libido (total understatement!!!!), and a reluctance to give up my herbal addiction habits. I struggle with some of the same issues...there are good days and bad days, giddily silly days and bleak and depressing ones, too.
I encourage myself that most people are no better, but just have different issues.
Sometimes it helps to speak to someone other than your spouse, and this board is so good for that, of course, but sometimes something beyond that can be needed. Have you thought about seeing if there is a good, tg friendly therapist near you. I know we are all taught that we must be strong and tough it out etc etc, but seeing a therapist myself, though I do not anymore, helped me sooo much. There is no shame in needing a good friend with whom to share these issues.
Please don't take my suggestion the wrong way, sweetheart. Most people view therapy as a negative admission, as though there is something wrong with you, me, us. But the truth is that a good therapist is much more like having that wonderful wise, accepting and helpful (perfect) parent that we all wish we had had, there to help you find the answers you need.
Regardless, honey, we are all here for you, too. Always!
Hugs, sweetheart.
I wish there was an easy answer to give to you. I also face a diminished libido (total understatement!!!!), and a reluctance to give up my herbal addiction habits. I struggle with some of the same issues...there are good days and bad days, giddily silly days and bleak and depressing ones, too.
I encourage myself that most people are no better, but just have different issues.
Sometimes it helps to speak to someone other than your spouse, and this board is so good for that, of course, but sometimes something beyond that can be needed. Have you thought about seeing if there is a good, tg friendly therapist near you. I know we are all taught that we must be strong and tough it out etc etc, but seeing a therapist myself, though I do not anymore, helped me sooo much. There is no shame in needing a good friend with whom to share these issues.
Please don't take my suggestion the wrong way, sweetheart. Most people view therapy as a negative admission, as though there is something wrong with you, me, us. But the truth is that a good therapist is much more like having that wonderful wise, accepting and helpful (perfect) parent that we all wish we had had, there to help you find the answers you need.
Regardless, honey, we are all here for you, too. Always!
Hugs, sweetheart.
Thank You so much Samantha!! I could cry , you're so sweet and understanding!
I really have no shame with therapists. I have had my share over the years. And a couple have been very helpful. Being very accepting and understanding. Helping me to accept myself first. That being the real challenge!
But I'm convinced that nobody understands us better than "us girls".
I have always found myself spending most of my time educating therapists.
This whole transgender experience has evolved so much over the years. The terminology has changed so many times as well. We are kind of on the leading edge of all of this because we live it everyday. But a therapists first reaction is to consult the DSM V manual to see what the latest expert opinion is. And that I would think is the general consensus from 2 years ago!
So all the therapy and all of the painful and frustrating conversations with friends and lovers...nothing comes close to the warm feeling I just felt when I read your post to me.
I could search for a transgender specific therapist. I have considered this recently. But I wonder what they would say that hasn't been said already. Will they even understand the psychological benefits of using herbs and PM. Would they approve?
Thank you again for such kind words and I will try not to be a stranger around here.
Big hug!
Kristen
I really have no shame with therapists. I have had my share over the years. And a couple have been very helpful. Being very accepting and understanding. Helping me to accept myself first. That being the real challenge!
But I'm convinced that nobody understands us better than "us girls".
I have always found myself spending most of my time educating therapists.
This whole transgender experience has evolved so much over the years. The terminology has changed so many times as well. We are kind of on the leading edge of all of this because we live it everyday. But a therapists first reaction is to consult the DSM V manual to see what the latest expert opinion is. And that I would think is the general consensus from 2 years ago!
So all the therapy and all of the painful and frustrating conversations with friends and lovers...nothing comes close to the warm feeling I just felt when I read your post to me.
I could search for a transgender specific therapist. I have considered this recently. But I wonder what they would say that hasn't been said already. Will they even understand the psychological benefits of using herbs and PM. Would they approve?
Thank you again for such kind words and I will try not to be a stranger around here.
Big hug!
Kristen
Oh, good, sweetheart, I was so afraid I might have overstepped...
But, good, you know where I am coming from.
Please feel free to spend as much time here as you like. You are very welcome and among friends.
Lots of nice warm loving girls here, and plenty of support and hugs if you need them.
Welcome home, honey!
Hugs
But, good, you know where I am coming from.
Please feel free to spend as much time here as you like. You are very welcome and among friends.
Lots of nice warm loving girls here, and plenty of support and hugs if you need them.
Welcome home, honey!
Hugs
(05-02-2014, 06:17 PM)KristenM Wrote: I'm beginning to lose my sex drive and my erections are very weak and short lived.
For me this started WAAAAAY before my traveling down this road. I was considering seeking medical support for these issues, but further self research guided me in a different path.
Thankfully I have magic hands and we have always implemented toy play in the bedroom, so fulfilling her needs has never been an issue.
Breast of luck in whatever decision you make Kristen!
(05-02-2014, 03:31 PM)AmandaBust Wrote: Update: The legs stay shaved!!!! Think of it like black/white smoke!
We talked for hours and both had good points. Eventually she (being the most wonderful person in the world) realized that I am not interested in men and I wish only to be with her! It could not be better, I am soooo happy I cannot even type out a coherent explanation!
Anyway, long sexy story short, she has accepted me for who I am.
Wow, and just when I was going to comment about you being upset, now I can say congrats on the good news!
Ironically reading your post it's amazing how similar many of our relationships on here are. I can only hope that when and if this situation arises for myself and others on this forum that our wives can be so understanding and accepting. For me though I personally believe my wife will take it in stride, it's my professional career that might be the bigger challenge!
Such good news! It seems that people are just so much happier when this kind of heart-centered, considerate, and honest communication happens. I am glad you both get to be yourselves- together! It seems to be the the thing that really works out to bring happiness! I think a little rainbow just floated out of my heart. Aww. It's so cute and romantic, if you don't mind my saying it! I wish such integrity and joy,joy,joy in relationships for all of us! A toast to joyous and fun times with our beloveds!
(05-02-2014, 06:17 PM)KristenM Wrote: Amanda...I too am soooo happy for you!!! I just started reading about your issues with your wife and shaving your legs. And then all of the thoughtfull and intelligent suggestions from the others here....Amazing and heart warming!! Then to see that your story has such a happy ending!! That's so great!!
A few years ago I began to shave my legs and will never be able to live with hairy legs again. My wife at the time was so upset and for months and months she couldn't look at them or touch them. I was thrilled with how they looked and felt and I wanted nothing more then to rub my smoothe legs next to hers, but she refused for so long. Even though she has known about my cross dressing for 25 years and accepted it for the last 15. She thought that shaving my legs meant that I was one step closer to having a sex change. So her refusal to accept me again pushed me away and we have been through some big ups and downs and major transitions in our relationship over the past couple of years. Some crazy stuff!
But eventually she has accepted me completely again! Legs and all! She says I have sexier legs than any woman she knows!
In fact this weekend we went to the mall and each tried on sexy dresses!! But she can be hot and cold and her moods can change drastically very quickly.
She still fears that she will lose me...either I will turn gay or want a sex change someday. I admit I cannot be a aggressive "real man" for her...which she needs in the bed room. But with 2 children ...even though they are in their 20s now... I cant imagine there will ever be a day that I could transition. and being 6'-4'' doesnt help either!
Unfortunately...I am really confused these days. I have currently been on a herbal program and I'm very depressed. I do have slight swelling in my breasts but I'm beginning to lose my sex drive and my erections are very weak and short lived. I really dont know how much further I should go at this point. I have almost become addicted to the herbs....the process. Obsessed...to the point that I cannot focus on anything else and I have given up some very important interests in my life.
My experiences over the past 25 years of marriage have been rocky...up and down. Always , with time , we have reached a new level of respect for each other. I ask myself why it must always be such a struggle to reach this new higher ground? I just dont know. I guess we all have a big fear of the unknown.
This past weekend we had a 3 hour condensed version of our entire marriage. We went from the lowest lows where it seemed like we would have to end our relationship, to the highest highs where we realized we would never find a better partner for each other. Well, this went back and forth , up and down like this for hours until I finally begged for mercy that we finally stop talking! And we ended up in a very loving way.
...but I still feel quite lost.
Debating my next move. Another bottle of PM...or take a cold turkey break for awhile?
Best of luck to everyone ...and Clara and Samantha and everyone... thank you for all of your wonderful words of wisdom!
xo
KristenM
Kristen,
Thank you very much for your kind words of support! It is a great burden which has been removed from my life.
I truly hope that you and your wife are able to come to terms with this difficult issue without more heartache!
I think you are in good hands here as far as your feeling lost, there are some very wonderful ladies here who have been though similar, if not the exact same, issues. They provide caring support and sage like wisdom, which as you can see helped me immensely!
Anything I can do to help, just let me know!
*Hugs*
-A
(05-02-2014, 06:20 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: Amanda, I'm so happy about the turnaround in your struggle for freedom and acceptance. Your story continues to track similar to my own. It's so important to remove the fear that a partner naturally feels when first confronted by a potential breakup of what is basically a good relationship. That your wife is attracted to your feminized body also follows my own recent experience, and it is indeed a welcome aspect of your sexual/gender reawakening. What used to be, for me, a reluctance to engage in traditional man-woman sex, has become an attraction to physical intimacy that has replenished our sex lives. TBH, I wish I had come to terms with my gender identity issues at an earlier age. Best of luck to you in this new phase of your life, hon.
Clara
Agreed, I wish I were able to come to terms with these issues earlier as well. However, I do not think we were emotionally ready, nor were we mature enough to handle it. Also, my children are now in college or high school, so them being a priority would have complicated things quite a bit!
Thank you for your kind words of support!
-A
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