Within the next couple weeks I am going to tell my wife I have been secretly growing breasts.  A secret I thought I would carry to my grave.  She has been supportive of my breasts, assuming they are due to middle age and medication.  I am so nervous to have this conversation.  I don't know how she will act once she finds out I did it on purpose.  I am nervous a negative reaction from her will cause me to feel unhealthy shame towards my breasts.  But part of me is excited to tell her.  I am tired of carrying this secret.  Maybe she will react positively.  Maybe not carrying this secret will make us closer. Maybe she will start really seeing them as breasts and helping with a bra or maybe not want me to be topless anymore. My mind is racing.

I think the point here is obvious, its not about growing boobs as muchas it is about lack of communication. Massive list of secrets because you've been unable to talk about your kinks is a burden. Its none of my business, but how old are you? Because to me this sounds like a typical issue of many older guys.

In a relationship, communication is the key to everything. How can you build love and trust to someone if you don't really even know them? Having some topics which are off limits with spouses is one thing, I guess that happens to almost any one, but its not the same as keeping a huge list of things as a secret. Like how I have certain kinks I will not discuss here and not even with my partners as I know they're not into the same stuff. I think that's totally fine, its about preferences. 

What I've learned in life, especially last around five years is that openness and communication makes massive leaps in making life better. Believe me I've done a lot of very difficult discussions and "confessed" so much, starting from who and what I am, my transition needs, the fact that I'm polyamorous and its the best way to exist for me, about sexuality and kinks, talking about it all without restrains is difficult at first but its so rewarding. Even if it results into a breakup, too many people stick with incompatible partners and too many can't work around issues which are guaranteed to happen because people aren't simple.

The breast growing thing you have to just explain the way it is. Growing them for fetish reasons shouldn't be seen as something inherintly "evil" immoral bad what ever, its your body and your choices. Maybe you should emphasize how having breasts has made you feel more comfortable in you body? Even when its a kink, it shouldn't be a massive problem to anyone, its not hurting anybody so why bother? Besides there are plenty of men sporting some kind of moobs for plethora of reasons and some have actual boobs too. I think breasts in general should not be sexualised and fetishised at all, there's nothing strange about them, they're a frigging baby feeling fat filled meat sacks hanging on peoples chest, who cares if its a man or a woman because everybody has a fucking chest and nipples and everybody has potential to grow them into a functional baby feeding devices.  

Btw, the hypersexualisation and objectification of breasts is largely mens problem. I think men should change their thinking about it, and all chests should be just normal body part which every living human has. Conquering this problem starts in our own lives. I hope your wife understands its not a problem that some guys have boobs, few grow them on purpose and its not hurting anybody.

Hoping for the best, Perk.

Heaven's Night, Thanks for the response.  My issue is a lot more than a man that doesn't communicate well.  But you are right, communication is the key.  We have been working really hard on that recently. Not all the conversations have been easy.  But each time feeling more connected. She is okay with the boobs I have.  I hope she doesn't look at them or me differently.

I would rather find the topic as a new thing. For example: " I liked my big breasts. I decided that from now on I will intentionally grow them. I have a plan for it. "
If she doesn't like it, I will confirm my decision.

Good luck, Perky. You never know,  it could be a nice positive conversation, after all, she's been so supportive all along.

Huck

Btw, the hypersexualisation and objectification of breasts is largely mens problem. I think men should change their thinking about it, and all chests should be just normal body part which every living human has. Conquering this problem starts in our own lives. I hope your wife understands its not a problem that some guys have boobs, few grow them on purpose and its not hurting anybody.

This has been ringing in my ears for days now. You're now a trans fem, which I applaud and support, castigating men for finding secondary sex characteristics sexy? I agree, we should be more adult and free the breast and free the nipple. Having said that I'm also attracted to beautiful breasts and nipples. Why do you post yours if you don't want to be seen for them? But the blaming and scolding nature of this segment of this post is disgusting.

Blame points to the guilty party... Who ever seems me somehow blaming and scolding either don't understand at all where I'm coming from, or they're abusive themselves. Nothing wrong with attraction, being abusive dickwad is and I've been mistreated by many men, to put it extremely lightly if you can call coercion and sexual abuse "mistreatment" as its much much worse. 

And my posting, what do I have to give explanations for? I don't need to prove anything. And I also don't need to hide myself to avoid abusive objecfying knobgoblins because I'm not at fault, they are.  

I could stop posting over here because the forum is becoming hostile towards me. I've noted a trend for the last I think a year or so that men on this forum have started some times treating me way worse than before.

But when calling out abusive misbehaving pigs, only pigs get upset for it.



EDIT:
Why is it relevant what my sex and gender identity is? To make it as clear as it gets, I'm an intersex trans woman if it truly matters anything because a woman is a woman. Anyone who disagrees is a dimwitted twatbucket.

I was in no way defending that type of behavior. Nor was I attacking you. I was simply stating that laying blame at men's feet at large is as disgusting as that Gillette commercial from a few years ago. Yes, disgusting and abusive behavior is wrong and, well, disgusting. From anyone to anyone. Full stop. 

Having said that, I am in no more control over any other human being's actions than I am yours. I.e. None, as it should be. So the notion of a gender policing its own for bad behavior doesn't wash with me. You want to blame someone? Blame the individuals and move on. They're the only ones in control of their behavior. So instead of saying that the problem is largely a men's problem, say that it's a problem with abusive individuals. As far as policing that behavior, that's where the relevant authorities come in. Be they mods or the actual police. 

As for the relevancy of gender and sexual identity, well, we're discussing sexual traits and attraction. It's the root of the discussion. Because we are attracted to those traits, yet there is a line. It's the difference between observing a trait you find attractive and leering, cat-calling, etc. If a woman can look at, say, Chris Hemsworth and appreciate his physique then it's no more wrong for a man to look at a woman and appreciate hers. Again, there's a line and most people know where that is. Blame the individuals who don't instead of the gender at large.

Not all men, but almost always men. At this point I also think those men who know better, but stay silent, are still doing harm e.g. in groups where misogynistic discussions arise. And it's tedious to have to point these things out so often, I get it, it's tempting to stay silent but that helps propagating the discussions. This is why I feel I have to chime in, I'm sorry, Perky, to derail this even further.

But breasts are NOT for sexual objectification. Any body part is NOT for sexual objectification. Women are NOT for sexual objectification. Neither are men, of course. Nobody is. Objectification is literally viewing or treating someone without regard for their individuality and humanity.

So yes, judging someone because they have/don't have/want to grow/don't want to grow breasts is objectifying. Telling someone their bazongas are schmexy is objectifying and insulting. This is largely a problem among men, there are probably studies that count numbers as well. I think it's cultural, men need to learn empathy among other things to ditch this behaviour. And the fact that men often don't even recognise they're saying something hurtful shows that generally it's the men saying this stuff to women, the men aren't used to hearing hurtful stuff about themselves so they don't even know it hurts (on top of all the "man up, be tough" macho behaviour).

Also being man doesn't make it any more OK to act this way, stuff like "oh, men can say this but it's not okay if women say it" is the definition of sexism. Men are not victims of some weird biological misogyny-gene. They just need to learn to do better, just like most women have learned.

I feel so exhausted. I have to explain this at work regularly. Now I have to explain it here, of all places! Thought BN was a sanctuary

Sending hugs to Heaven's Night. I feel you.