I don't know, I think I've entered a moment of dysphoria. When I was a child it happened to me during the exploration of my body that I liked my nipples and breasts as an erogenous zone. Then I became obsessed with having women's breasts.  Since then I have had strong desires to have them but in the end I lost that desire. Then much later, I started to develop depression. I did not flirt much and the truth is that all the girls entered me. That is not a problem, I like women. But as a child I was looking for the pleasure of having women's breasts and having more pleasurable orgasms. I was wrong. And now I've been taking products and herbs to have women's breasts. But I think I've managed to have gender dysphoria. Now when I masturbate I feel like I want to masturbate like a woman and I also discovered the prostate. I use a dildo too. And I enjoy it a lot. But then I use the penis to finish and at the end I feel regretful and I ask myself: What am I doing? Oh my God. I am hurting myself!
But I don't know, on the one hand I want to have breasts, but on the other hand I don't. I don't know. I feel depressed and more liberated, sometimes with a weight, like I have to come out of the wardrobe, but I know I like women because I have sex with my girlfriend.
Anyway, I will discuss this with my sexology psychologist. Maybe I'll ask him for hormones or to feminize me better, instead of with herbs and playing Russian roulette with pills that I don't know who makes them.
Thanks for reading me and having this space.

It's a bit off topic here, but maybe a trip to Chastity Mansion would help?
If you can't stroke it, you'll pursue more Feminine methods of pleasure, and perhaps find the prostate will give you that Feminine O you're seeking?

I can really empathize with the conflicting feelings of wanting to have breasts and not wanting them at the same time.
And by extension of that, wanting to be a "normal" man and wanting to be feminine.

Can't say that I have any good advice, it took me years to even accept that I have boobs as a man. The feeling just sort of slowly went from hate and shame to resignation, and acceptance, and even slight pride over the time. And then it became possible to just accept that I am the sort of person that I am, and I can't just will myself to being a totally regular dude with regular body and regular tastes.

I guess, just try not to be hard on yourself for liking what you like. You don't have to put yourself into this specific box - I am a man, I am a woman, I'm trans, etc. You can mix and match

My 10 cents...

Sex and gender are not the same thing. Wanting or liking to be penetrated doesn't make one a woman. Actually, women don't have a prostate so whatever you feel while playing with your dildo is something a woman wouldn't understand. It's impossible to know what the other genetic gender feels in some situations, we are just hardwired in a different way, so we can fantasize about it a lot but, in the end, our pleasure is our own brand. Even more: people of the same sex experience pleasure in completely different ways, so it's really hard to say that our liking a certain type of stimuli makes us closer to the other side.

Men have indulged in anal sex since the dawn of times, and it's only recently that it has been associated to being feminine. It's pleasure. Full stop. It's what your body likes.

I do understand that the passivity of being penetrated is associated with women's role in society. I completely get the erotic idea of "been womanly and being taken", but I absolutely deny the connection on the other side. While the idea of being feminine might take you to seeking passivity in sex, liking prostate simulation doesn't make you necessarily feminine.
There are millions of straight men out there who enjoy anal play, and most of them have no interest in being feminine.

I believe that we, here, are a lucky bunch when it comes to nipple and breast pleasure. Not many men know what it's like to have your estrogen enhanced boobs played with, suckled, and held. From my point of view, that's one more feeling that my body gives me and I actively seek it because it's pleasurable. I don't see myself as a woman just because I like breast play, and I don't even know if my wife feels the same I feel when I do to her what she does to me.

Free yourself from the need to match a stereotype. Be your own individual, experience and enjoy what your body gives you, and don't think that you have to adhere to what society says just because that's how things usually are.