Hi Oki,
Just read through your thread for the first time. I admire your courage and determination! From a sociological perspective, you are a minority in that environment, ergo the anxiety. Add the stares and remarks, and that only compounds your feelings. Of course as a WASP (White, Anglo Saxon, Protestant) I haven’t been a minority very often, but when I have been in those situations my anxiety level peaked.
Two thoughts:
First, try to find some balance if you can sometime during the week by spending time with those who accept and love you as the woman you are. Any trans friendly groups/places close by you can frequent?
Second, odds are there are among those kids, and maybe even adults, people just like you, who are scared to death to do what you are doing, but are dying inside because of their fear. You are a positive example to them, and your courage may encourage them in their own journey. On a higher level, you may save someone’s life, given the high suicide rate among LGBTQ people.
You are a pioneer in your small town, but clearly you’re up to the task!
Pulling for you,
Jenn