Ahh .. The big D, tell tell me about it. Depression obviously effects more than just transgender people, but it does seem to effect a higher percentage of people suffering with transgender issues. As well as not feeling like your projecting your real self, is the constent fear that when your extended family or friends or even work find out you may loose everything, your job, your home, your children.
This whole thread is way too real for me. I see a little of me in everyone’s response.
TANYA, I too feel an unexplainable sense of the BLAHS for no apparent reason. I do not know if it is the incongruence of my inner and outer genders or the fear of loss of everything if I completely transition into the person I feel I am, or is it the genetic predisposition to depression I have from my grandmother. I don’t know. But like you Tanya, I just want to curl up and go to sleep, hoping beyond hope that these feelings will go away.
JULIE, I am glad you finally openly admitted you are trans. Your question RE WHAT DO I DO WHEN… is the Holy Grail answer we are all seeking. And yes if we are honest with ourselves, however fleeting, suicide does drift though all of minds. Then as you said, reality kicks in and we do realize LIFE IS GOOD, no matter what. Trans being a gift, a gag gift maybe, but at least someone was thinking of us. It has been said, that god does not give us problems we cannot handle (poorly paraphrased) That may be debatable, but I have found that to be true.
IABOY (which name are you leaning towards) most therapist have left me more confused that when I started with them. The one I admire most and has been most helpful call himself a professional friend and claimed to be no more than a sympathetic ear to help me think through the problems and issues I was dealing with at the time. I find I have had more support and internal reflection from pontificating in these discussion boards to people who are working through similar issues than I have ever received from talking to a therapist. Unless the profession has been there, done that and has the stinkin’ T-shirt on the wall all they can talk about is theory. Theory is find, but nothing beats practical application.
OnMyWAY, you points are well taken and reinforce the rant above. You have been there, and done that and the T-shirt looks wonderful on you.
JANNET, I have many of the same thoughts and fears concerning the loneliness of being abandon by all of your family and friends if you let the true self out completely. As I let Christina inch her way out into full view I have found that there is a lot more acceptance than my preprograming would have let me believe. That does give me hope and lessens the D and allows me to live another wonderful day.
TANYA, I too feel an unexplainable sense of the BLAHS for no apparent reason. I do not know if it is the incongruence of my inner and outer genders or the fear of loss of everything if I completely transition into the person I feel I am, or is it the genetic predisposition to depression I have from my grandmother. I don’t know. But like you Tanya, I just want to curl up and go to sleep, hoping beyond hope that these feelings will go away.
JULIE, I am glad you finally openly admitted you are trans. Your question RE WHAT DO I DO WHEN… is the Holy Grail answer we are all seeking. And yes if we are honest with ourselves, however fleeting, suicide does drift though all of minds. Then as you said, reality kicks in and we do realize LIFE IS GOOD, no matter what. Trans being a gift, a gag gift maybe, but at least someone was thinking of us. It has been said, that god does not give us problems we cannot handle (poorly paraphrased) That may be debatable, but I have found that to be true.
IABOY (which name are you leaning towards) most therapist have left me more confused that when I started with them. The one I admire most and has been most helpful call himself a professional friend and claimed to be no more than a sympathetic ear to help me think through the problems and issues I was dealing with at the time. I find I have had more support and internal reflection from pontificating in these discussion boards to people who are working through similar issues than I have ever received from talking to a therapist. Unless the profession has been there, done that and has the stinkin’ T-shirt on the wall all they can talk about is theory. Theory is find, but nothing beats practical application.
OnMyWAY, you points are well taken and reinforce the rant above. You have been there, and done that and the T-shirt looks wonderful on you.
JANNET, I have many of the same thoughts and fears concerning the loneliness of being abandon by all of your family and friends if you let the true self out completely. As I let Christina inch her way out into full view I have found that there is a lot more acceptance than my preprograming would have let me believe. That does give me hope and lessens the D and allows me to live another wonderful day.
I subscribe to Mike Dooleys Notes from the universe and this morning this is what I got:
If you can imagine it, you can have it. This is the name of the game. This is the lesson to learn. It couldn't be any easier. Reality is not what your eyes show your mind, but what your mind creates for your eyes to see. You are not limited by logic, the past, or the world around you. You are not of the world around you. You are supernatural, pure spirit.
You came first. Magic, miracles, and luck are the consequences of understanding this, the inevitable result of dreaming and acting in spite of appearances.
You are ever so close. Simply stay the course. It won't be very much longer.
Soul-Power,
The Universe
Seemed to fit my feelings of life and maybe it will help some others struggling with theirs.
Hugs
Bobbi
If you can imagine it, you can have it. This is the name of the game. This is the lesson to learn. It couldn't be any easier. Reality is not what your eyes show your mind, but what your mind creates for your eyes to see. You are not limited by logic, the past, or the world around you. You are not of the world around you. You are supernatural, pure spirit.
You came first. Magic, miracles, and luck are the consequences of understanding this, the inevitable result of dreaming and acting in spite of appearances.
You are ever so close. Simply stay the course. It won't be very much longer.
Soul-Power,
The Universe
Seemed to fit my feelings of life and maybe it will help some others struggling with theirs.
Hugs
Bobbi
If there was a magic pill to wake up looking like a girl, and there were no consequences, I would take it in a heartbeat.
I'd consider myself quite an optimistic person, but I do have some of those feelings. I don't think I've had really bad depression though. I sometimes get paralysed with obsessive thoughts over gender and what I'm going to do about it.... It also stops me from pursuing relationships because I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been delying things for years now, and it doens't exactly get easier. It feels like a race against time... That being said, I think many of us will live far longer because of science and medicine advances. I also think that changing gender will be a non issue in 20 years or so (at least in the west and parts of asia).
Some of us are quite lucky though to be androgynous. I think that's what's helped me. I already get people thinking I am a girl already while out and about (and on the phone).and I feel fortunate that I've at most been boyish. I try to concentrate on the positive aspect of my appearance rather than focus too much on the negative. Like, I think that I have feminine long hair, nose and chin lol xD Focus more on the good...
Anyway, keep your head up, things will be better. = )
I'd consider myself quite an optimistic person, but I do have some of those feelings. I don't think I've had really bad depression though. I sometimes get paralysed with obsessive thoughts over gender and what I'm going to do about it.... It also stops me from pursuing relationships because I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been delying things for years now, and it doens't exactly get easier. It feels like a race against time... That being said, I think many of us will live far longer because of science and medicine advances. I also think that changing gender will be a non issue in 20 years or so (at least in the west and parts of asia).
Some of us are quite lucky though to be androgynous. I think that's what's helped me. I already get people thinking I am a girl already while out and about (and on the phone).and I feel fortunate that I've at most been boyish. I try to concentrate on the positive aspect of my appearance rather than focus too much on the negative. Like, I think that I have feminine long hair, nose and chin lol xD Focus more on the good...
Anyway, keep your head up, things will be better. = )
This post was last modified: 08-07-2016, 05:15 AM by HannahL.
(07-07-2016, 01:40 PM)dcdee Wrote: This whole thread is way too real for me. I see a little of me in everyone’s response.
that was the idea , a place for people to say "hey, I feel like that too" "so I am not alone after all" .
that.. and a place for me to throw down my feelings to be reviewed later on.
it is meant to be real, it is meant to discuss the issues that no one wants to talk about.
Depression is like dysphoria in many ways, meaning that it has dozens of different variations.
My dysphoria mainly confined itself to giving me nearly endless headaches. Two to three times a day, lasting four to six hours apiece, from the day I hit puberty until last June. I'm 33. There was always a secondary feeling that something was wrong with me, but I chalked that up to obesity for a long time.
Traveling along for the ride with my headaches was suicide. I never CONSCIOUSLY attempted it, but the thoughts of how I could end the pain were so frequent they became white noise. I barely noticed them after twenty years until they stopped about five weeks after I started spironolactone.
Testosterone was literally making me want to kill myself so much that I didn't even consider it remarkable to have a thought anymore until they stopped and I realized how quiet my mind had gotten in five weeks.
June fifth was my spironolactone anniversary. This week is the anniversary of my last NEW suicidal thought.
Depression isn't just an old friend of mine, she's practically my left leg. I literally have no idea where I'd be now if I had come out back in the 90s and gotten treatment as a teen.
My dysphoria mainly confined itself to giving me nearly endless headaches. Two to three times a day, lasting four to six hours apiece, from the day I hit puberty until last June. I'm 33. There was always a secondary feeling that something was wrong with me, but I chalked that up to obesity for a long time.
Traveling along for the ride with my headaches was suicide. I never CONSCIOUSLY attempted it, but the thoughts of how I could end the pain were so frequent they became white noise. I barely noticed them after twenty years until they stopped about five weeks after I started spironolactone.
Testosterone was literally making me want to kill myself so much that I didn't even consider it remarkable to have a thought anymore until they stopped and I realized how quiet my mind had gotten in five weeks.
June fifth was my spironolactone anniversary. This week is the anniversary of my last NEW suicidal thought.
Depression isn't just an old friend of mine, she's practically my left leg. I literally have no idea where I'd be now if I had come out back in the 90s and gotten treatment as a teen.
Discussions like these make me wonder if I'm committed as some of you. I enjoy this aspect of my life and if I didn't, I would probably reject it. I take on what is pleasing to me, welcoming what I'm personally drawn to. That is enough for me. If it didn't feel right or depressed me in any way, I would probably reject it.
Please know that I express what I express openly and honestly, that it might perhaps help some who feel the something similar.
We are all a bit different, even in what we come together here for what we similarly aim.
No knocks on anyone, but for those who read this thread, you don't have to have any sense of depression to feel you belong.
Embrace what makes you happy. Let that guide you even among the unfamiliar path. Everyone's path is different, and realize that you are under no obligation to be like anyone. Ever.
Please know that I express what I express openly and honestly, that it might perhaps help some who feel the something similar.
We are all a bit different, even in what we come together here for what we similarly aim.
No knocks on anyone, but for those who read this thread, you don't have to have any sense of depression to feel you belong.
Embrace what makes you happy. Let that guide you even among the unfamiliar path. Everyone's path is different, and realize that you are under no obligation to be like anyone. Ever.
Everyone deals with depression differently. Yes, it seems like trans people get it more, however, there are alot of us that don't get clinical type depression. We deal with it differently with different coping mechanisms. Some of it is because of the hrt, and some of it is social or both. Just got to have friends that can help you cope or professional help sometimes. I don't want to believe that some people can't be helped but it happens and leads to tragedy. I for one can't handle hearing that stuff.
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