13-10-2014, 07:17 PM
So, I had a mind bending weekend. On Friday evening, my wife and I, for the first time ever, attended a support group for couples where at least one partner is in transition. Pretty crazy huh? It's a little different that the customary groups for family of transitioning persons in that the TG person is there, but the focus in on the NON-transitioning partner AND the relationship. It went well for both of us, a bit to my surprise, but it's a huge time and mileage commitment so we probably wont make it every time they met.
Saturday morning was not so easy. My beloved wife wanted physical intimacy ...but I couldn't do it. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the thought of it. Physically, I wanted so badly to bless her that way but emotionally I couldn't bring myself to, "be a man for her". We haven't been physically intimate for a couple months and I was dreading the day it would come up again. Literally, it tore me in half. I was trembling and out of control emotionally. Neither of us understood immediately what was happening but she lovingly held me until I began to figure it out myself and gathered my composure enough to vaguely explain it to her. She said we'd work through it and that it was OK while holding me close. Ultimately her compassion for me overwhelmed me with love for her and we were able to be together in a very special way. She is starting to "get" me now and see the real me behind the illusion she has known for all the time we've been together. She even said that the thought of GRS is growing on her and our love for each other supersedes any physical alterations that might be in my future. That's a huge step forward but she still isn't comfortable being perceived in public as anything but a traditional couple. And if that's what she wants, it's my privilege to honor her wishes. ...Interesting how her love for me would allow me to have GRS but my love for her would prevent me from doing it.
Then Sunday night, we hosted a small group marriage enrichment gathering in our home. The topic was how men and women perceive things differently. Men, according to the speaker, have blue hearing aides, megaphones and glasses while women have pink ones. When a message is sent through a pink megaphone and received by blue hearing aides (and vise versa), chances are good that there will be a misunderstanding. It's really good stuff but the ironic thing is that we, who are leading the group, are a lot more like two women than we are a husband and wife which is what all the other couples are. I have to "pretend" to be a male to facilitate the group. I'm pretty good at it so it's actually kinda funny. My wife and I did the same course several years ago when I was in complete denial about my gender issues and pretending, quite successfully, that I was a guy. This time however, I can watch it as my true self. It should be pretty interesting to say the least.
Saturday morning was not so easy. My beloved wife wanted physical intimacy ...but I couldn't do it. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the thought of it. Physically, I wanted so badly to bless her that way but emotionally I couldn't bring myself to, "be a man for her". We haven't been physically intimate for a couple months and I was dreading the day it would come up again. Literally, it tore me in half. I was trembling and out of control emotionally. Neither of us understood immediately what was happening but she lovingly held me until I began to figure it out myself and gathered my composure enough to vaguely explain it to her. She said we'd work through it and that it was OK while holding me close. Ultimately her compassion for me overwhelmed me with love for her and we were able to be together in a very special way. She is starting to "get" me now and see the real me behind the illusion she has known for all the time we've been together. She even said that the thought of GRS is growing on her and our love for each other supersedes any physical alterations that might be in my future. That's a huge step forward but she still isn't comfortable being perceived in public as anything but a traditional couple. And if that's what she wants, it's my privilege to honor her wishes. ...Interesting how her love for me would allow me to have GRS but my love for her would prevent me from doing it.
Then Sunday night, we hosted a small group marriage enrichment gathering in our home. The topic was how men and women perceive things differently. Men, according to the speaker, have blue hearing aides, megaphones and glasses while women have pink ones. When a message is sent through a pink megaphone and received by blue hearing aides (and vise versa), chances are good that there will be a misunderstanding. It's really good stuff but the ironic thing is that we, who are leading the group, are a lot more like two women than we are a husband and wife which is what all the other couples are. I have to "pretend" to be a male to facilitate the group. I'm pretty good at it so it's actually kinda funny. My wife and I did the same course several years ago when I was in complete denial about my gender issues and pretending, quite successfully, that I was a guy. This time however, I can watch it as my true self. It should be pretty interesting to say the least.