On my way to the movies with a friend .. In daylight. 
(24-02-2018, 08:00 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: On my way to the movies with a friend .. In daylight.
Going out to the movies, in daylight !!
I had to return an item of clothing to a local store, feeling very exposed..
I get back into my car, playing over in my mind the people that kept looking at me.
Then a light bulb went off .. Maybe, just maybe I am passing too well.?? All the people that were obviously looking at me were guys @ 40 to 50 years of age .. Oohhhh ( pass the barf bag ).
On top of that, I knew the lady at the returns counter. She took my return, asked me what the problem was and refunded the money. Never once indicating that she actually recognised me ..
(25-02-2018, 02:43 AM)jannet.duff Wrote:Maybe that lady truly didn't recognize you. My therapist said once to me, that the reason many transexuals fail the first few outings, is NOT because they are still male.... ( cause they are not once SRS is done) but because in there minds, they feel like they are trying to cheat or fool others into believing they are females and thus feel they are NOT worthy?(24-02-2018, 08:00 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: On my way to the movies with a friend .. In daylight.
Going out to the movies, in daylight !!
I had to return an item of clothing to a local store, feeling very exposed..
I get back into my car, playing over in my mind the people that kept looking at me.
Then a light bulb went off .. Maybe, just maybe I am passing too well.?? All the people that were obviously looking at me were guys @ 40 to 50 years of age .. Oohhhh ( pass the barf bag ).
On top of that, I knew the lady at the returns counter. She took my return, asked me what the problem was and refunded the money. Never once indicating that she actually recognised me ..
Another words, it's bound to fail if you do not feel female....
(25-02-2018, 02:43 AM)jannet.duff Wrote: Going out to the movies, in daylight !!
I had to return an item of clothing to a local store, feeling very exposed..
I get back into my car, playing over in my mind the people that kept looking at me.
Then a light bulb went off .. Maybe, just maybe I am passing too well.?? All the people that were obviously looking at me were guys @ 40 to 50 years of age .. Oohhhh ( pass the barf bag ).
On top of that, I knew the lady at the returns counter. She took my return, asked me what the problem was and refunded the money. Never once indicating that she actually recognised me ..
What you`re experiencing is quite normal, although very disconcerting at times! I`m well into my second year of living full time now, and I still get those looks from guys and exactly that age range you mention, I think the worst part (especially when you fisrt start out) is that they never seem to smile while they`re doing it!? makes me wonder sometimes if they look like that when they`re admiring you, what the hell would they look like ontop doing the wild thing! LOL
Women seem to be fine, and aren`t afraid to smile first either (unlike when we were pretending to be guys), I`v had many a pleasant chat with other women strangers over mundane things whilst out shopping it`s a totally different social dynamic now than we were used to. the "problem" is when Men (the sort you mentioned) make unsolicited comments at you, or you get cat calls behind your back
sometimes these can be quite sexist too! I`v had several encounters like this (you can probably expect the same at some point) and I find the best thing to do in most cases is say nothing, just give a kind smile and walk away if you can, if you`re with someone else at the time, start talking to them doesn`t matter what about, men although rude, will rarely interupt an existing convo without invitation, note i said rarely it has happened to me once...I was out shopping with my wife, she says whilst holding up a chocolate easter bunnyfor the kids, "Kate what do you think of these?" before I could reply 2 guys standing close by, one nudged me and said "I`ll bet you ladies like a different sort or Rabit" I think the look of utter astonishment on my face was enough to make him and his friend leave rather sheepishly. so it Does happen!
I don`t get the bit about "passing too well"? I thought it was a binary thing, Pass / Fail? so fill me in a bit here, it sounds like something I should know but don`t LOL
As for the "disguise" feeling, it`s so amazing isn`t it! esp when you still feel exactly as you and you can`t actually feel that you have make-up on, I don`t have a wig to contend with, just my own hair, and people that Should know and did know me well, I can walk right past or say hi to and they have no idea! LOL
I likened my first time out to being Invisible, it`s so counter intuitive, You expect to stick out like a sore thumb, yet Others see a normal unremarkable person, you have all these things on that society says you shouldn`t you even beleived at some point that it was true and you were doing wrong and it was shameful, and here you are strutting about doing all this naughty shit and you`re being completely ignored??? LOL
it does take quite some time to wear off as well, but each time you go out and the more often you do it, the quicker you`ll just relax into it until you just don`t even think about it anymore, it becomes Normal to You as well, we are afterall undoing a LOT of damage that has been done to us over decades, and it`ll take some time to heal this, but it will happen, and you Will own it and have complete agency of youself again! ❤️
all you need to do now, is more of the same! let the dust settle a bit and then get back out there and do it again! eventually you`ll have it no other way! xx
Here is an update, so to speak.
I just have to share this with you.
Some days are soooo much better than others. After a confidence building weekend, it just rolled right into Monday. I had an appointment with my Gender therapist at our local hospital, as usual now its pay and display. Car park is packed with people walking around, and I had to wait to use the machine. Crossing the road to the hospital i helped a much older lady around the snow bank and had a natter about the weather and hopefully spring will be here soon. I held the button on the elevator for an ordely pulling carts of food, we chatted about how the food smelled, and he explained what was being served tonight. After my therapist meeting my wife and I went shopping, were I interacted with sales personnel.
Now, it finaly hit me driving home, I had interacted with different people all evening and I had ZERO anxiety feelings. I thought WOW, this has to be the best feeling in the world. To finally be treated and interact with other people whilst presenting in my true gender.
I just have to share this with you.
Some days are soooo much better than others. After a confidence building weekend, it just rolled right into Monday. I had an appointment with my Gender therapist at our local hospital, as usual now its pay and display. Car park is packed with people walking around, and I had to wait to use the machine. Crossing the road to the hospital i helped a much older lady around the snow bank and had a natter about the weather and hopefully spring will be here soon. I held the button on the elevator for an ordely pulling carts of food, we chatted about how the food smelled, and he explained what was being served tonight. After my therapist meeting my wife and I went shopping, were I interacted with sales personnel.
Now, it finaly hit me driving home, I had interacted with different people all evening and I had ZERO anxiety feelings. I thought WOW, this has to be the best feeling in the world. To finally be treated and interact with other people whilst presenting in my true gender.
Well, i finaly got myself some real girl glasses, my other girly glasses I wear full time now, even in boy mode. No one has mentioned a word.
My new glasses i suspect will be just girly ones.
My new glasses i suspect will be just girly ones.
I do not really update this thread too much, but here are a couple of pictures from the last few months.
Attached Files
This post was last modified: 02-07-2018, 04:08 PM by jannet.duff.
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