Elain, hang in there. It will pass. I know what it feels like to lose a best friend who's trapped in the gender binary straight jacket. It's painful.

The thing is to find new friends who will take you as you are. They won't know the old you, and will embrace your new authentic self expression. New friendships will form if you make the effort to seek them out.

And, the old friends? Be patient, they may come around, yet. If they truly value your friendship, they'll regret the void left by their rejection of you, and reconsider their knee-jerk emotional response to your announcement.

Hugs,
Clara

It just hurts to think that people you have known for years and thought they were open minded enough to be accepting, turn out to be hateful. One of my ex friends who always said he was a LGBT supporter, was downright evil in the things he said to me, wishing me dead, hoped I caught aids etc etc. That isn't a friendship I would be willing to repair after what he said to me.

Most of my other friends who were not understanding said some pretty hurtful things as well but not as evil as my one friend. A few of them I might consider repairing the friendship some but it would never be the same level of trust from my end as they once had. I'm not real sure it's worth my time if I can't really trust them anymore.

In general right now I am feeling somewhat isolated and depressed. I am trying to take things one step at a time but I can't help but see the mountain I have to climb to get this done. I'm determined to climb it though. I may reach the summit and be all alone up there, but at least i'll have a danged good view and be able to see everything around me with clearer eyes.

~Elain

*PS...

My PM should be here Monday, i'm looking forward to that, and I hope to have another talk with my doctor soon as well and maybe start HRT. *sighs* I guess I am just feeling lonely more than anything else. I may have to load up EVE Online and go blow some ships up and get yelled at for doing something fun by people who don't know the game. Anyway.. thanks all for talking with me. It DOES help. This has to be the most supportive and understanding group of people I have ever met online before. Ya'll rock. ~E

At least friends are replaceable relatives not so much.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your ass, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relictives!!

Over the years I have concluded that family doesn't always include genetic relatives. Most of my genetic relatives are alcoholics, drug addicts, flakes, or religion based haters. Most of the people I consider family... are much different. More caring, understanding, supportive and decent.

Besides... genetic family.. you can hate them all you want but the police tend to frown on burying them in your back yard.

~E

Over the years I have concluded that family doesn't always include genetic relatives. Most of my genetic relatives are alcoholics, drug addicts, flakes, or religion based haters. Most of the people I consider family... are much different. More caring, understanding, supportive and decent.

Besides... genetic family.. you can hate them all you want but the police tend to frown on burying them in your back yard.

~E

Especially if you bury them alive!

Ain't that bitch??? The people that are SUPPOSED to love you unconditionally are almost ALWAYS the first to hate you if you turn out to be different from their idea of what is normal!!

You can pick your friends, you can pick your ass, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relictives!!

Just don't pick them one right after the other

You can pick your friends, you can pick your ass, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relictives!!

Just don't pick them one right after the other

Yeah, that would SMELLLLLLL!!!!

I am really excited and having a hard time containing it. The PM extract I ordered should be here tomorrow before 2pm PST and I am eager to start on it. I think I am also going to take a portion of the extract and mix it into some olive oil or grape seed oil to use while I massage my not there yet breasts with it.

~Elain

Just don't take the whole bottle in one shot!!

Well.. BOTH packages I ordered are delayed. My hair remover by the post office being closed today for Martin Luther King day and my PM because UPS missed a truck (so they claim). I suspect it is also because of MLK day but I'll give them a pass on that as I don't blame anybody for enjoying a holiday. With luck both items will be here tomorrow.

~Elain

Good News first...

Both my flash&go and my PM arrived today. I have already used both.

Now the bad news. I had to go in for another CT scan this morning on my lung. They are now moving away from a diagnosis of active TB to carcinoma for the lesion in my upper right lobe.

TECHNIQUE: After obtaining the patient's consent, 3mm CT images were
obtained with intravenous contrast material. Non-ionic contrast
material was used.

FINDINGS:
LUNGS: 2.7 cm irregular thickwalled cavitary lesion in the right lung
apex which appears slightly worse than December 2014. This is highly
suspicious for primary lung carcinoma. Recommend surgical or
pulmonary referral.


If this is cancer, that puts everything I have planned on immediate hold. No HRT, no further NBE... just a concentration on beating it.

~E