Funny thought for a commercial:

Use the scene from Matrix, where Orpheus offers Neo the two pills. Turn it into a Nyquil/dayquil commercial. :p

Me: Did you hear the one about the 3 eggs?
You: No.
Me: 2 bad!

I thought these were gonna be groaners, but it turns out that my eyes are getting plenty of exercise rolling.

What did the leper say to the prostitute after she gave him a blow job?
" keep the tip"
Ewwwwwww

Did you hear about the gal who lost her entire left side? Shes alright now.

What word starts with F and ends with UCK?
Firetruck!

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

And another, What's a pirates favorite fast food?

Arrrbys.

Heh.

I knew a girl whose eyes were so far apart that when she cried the tears rolled down her back! And that causes bacteria!!

A man walks off the street into a carpentry shop. He sees a Rastafarian man sawing a piece of wood. He stops sawing and waves his hand, gesturing around his shop, "welcome to me shop man" he says with a thick accent.
The man from the street replies" thank you. I couldn't help noticing your accent, where are you from?"
The Rastafarian smiles proudly, and replies" I'm Jamaican"
Not sure what he meant, the man from the street asks him" What's Jamaican?"
With a hearty laugh, the carpenter replies," a table."

What type of footwear is made from bananas?

Slippers!

?