[AnnieBL]

I wanted expound on this notion of "cross dreamer" that I've self-identified as several times in other posts.

I'm of the opinion that "cross dreamer" is a mixed sexual orientation. That statement is certainly going to cause confusion because we all know that the acknowledged sexual orientations are:

Heterosexual - sexually aroused by the opposite sex
Homosexual - sexually aroused by the same sex
Bi-sexual - sexually aroused by either sex
Asexual - sexually aroused by neither sex

With these four options to choose from, I'm torn between self identifying as heterosexual or asexual. But, I could also identify as homosexual (a lesbian). Huh?

As a man, I'm attracted to women on the one hand, but not sexually aroused (sustained erection) by a woman on the other. At the same time I am not attracted to, nor am I sexually aroused by other men. That would seem to mark me as asexual. But, that doesn't really fit me. So what am I?

People like me are autogynephilic (AGP), a.k.a. cross dreamers. AGP means that I am sexual aroused by the thought of myself being a woman in a sexual encounter. It's a transgender condition in which my sexual response is that of a woman not that of a man. But because I have a man's body, and I'm not attracted to men, I'm in a kind of limbo state where the only way to achieve sexual satisfaction is to either imagine myself as a woman when making love to my wife, or masturbate to the fantasy of being a woman with the help of literature or sex-oriented visual images.

What I really am is a woman in a man's body who wants to make love to another woman. Thus, I'm either heterosexual or homosexual (lesbian) depending on whether I'm considered a male (based on my biological sex), or a female (based on my gender identity).

Yup, very strange. It's no wonder it took me most of my life to figure it out. Does anyone else see themselves this way? You may have to ponder the idea for a good bit to see how it fits you. I know I did.

Clara

I'm one of those people whose memory of dreams evaporates very fast upon waking. Even so, I am tolerably certain that I am -not- a cross dreamer. Possibly because I really don't know what my gender identity is. Perhaps it depends to some extent on my hormone balance at the time.

I do find that the generally accepted categories of sexual orientation become inadequate in situations where a person's genetic sex and gender are not congruent. I would guess that the majority of people who exhibit male sex and gender will be attracted not only to those of female sex and gender but also to genetic males with a passable female gender presentation, initially at least i.e. they are attracted more to a female gender presentation than to a biological sexual identity as such. There doesn't seem to be an easy way through this conundrum.