[GoneGirl]

You know, Missed, that's an interesting idea. Clara, I'm sure, will be happy to try that on our next break.

It's one of the few good aspects of doing monthly breaks. It gives me a shot at expressing myself in the bedroom. One week out of four doesn't seem very fair though.

My time starts tomorrow. No PM for 7 days! Yay! I plan to gorge myself on Butea Superba, MACA, and L-arginine all week. Maybe a large helping of Cialis, too. I warned my dear wife to watch out!

Clara's other half

I have a feeling I'd dread those breaks, even with a willing sex partner. Just the urge always sickened me. I guess my "male half" just isn't a full half lol.

Oh well, I suppose we all fall on different places of the spectrum.

I'm sure you would, Sarah. Fortunately, there's no reason for you to endure breaks anymore. I'm happy for you. Were you always so sure of your gender identity?

I'm not sure where I fall on the gender spectrum yet. Sometimes I get the feeling I'm on the road to full transition, while other times I'm thinking that I could be happy living out my life as a man, especially now that PM has taken away a lot of the anxiety I used to feel in the male role. Most of the time, though I'm somewhere in between. That's better for me, anyway. I'm not at a point in my life where transitioning is practical, and the less I'm inclined to it, the better, I suppose.

I think my wife is okay with me being half and half, and I'm so thankful she gives me some room to be Clara Kay in her presence. She's told me many times that she likes my male body down there and wouldn't want to be without it. On the other hand, she's not opposed to my feminizing my appearance. It's not unusual for her to get turned on when I play girl. If I could play the man for her, that would be fine, too, but it doesn't quite work that way.

Our situation is not unlike Dana and Allison's relationship before Dana's SRS (from the book "Trans-sister Radio"). Allison dreaded Dana's decision to get the surgery. Dana's male genitals were a kind of security blanket to calm the apprehension she felt about Dana's coming out as a transsexual -- an event that was not easy for her to accept at first.

This tightrope that we partnered transgenders walk is not the safest place to hang out. The rewards can be wonderful, but there's a downside, too. I'm thinking of JustEmily and fwoodhull right now. I wonder how they will manage it.

CK