25-01-2014, 06:14 PM
Lisa, as your half sister, again, we agree. 
My admiration for women, as people, has greatly improved since I've stopped being afraid to acknowledge my own feminine proclivities.
Nature has decreed that men be predators and women prey as an effective means to insure the survival of the species. I believe that the only thing that throttles that primal instinct is the enforcement of societal codes of conduct through moral conditioning and the threat of incarceration. As individuals, women have to constantly guard against the predatory instinct of men. You can feel it yourself when you venture out en femme (a little shudder).
Personally, I never experienced that instinct -- the irresistible drive to copulate. I was attracted to women, in a different way. Yes, I want to experience the radiance of their feminine charms, but I also enjoy the workings of their minds, and to experience the feelings and emotions that are distinctly female. I can be a good friend to a woman if given half a chance.
Like most young men, my admiration of the feminine form became the target of my sexual arousal, but not the woman herself. This contradiction plagued and frustrated me throughout life. I was, at the same time, both envious and appalled at the attitudes of most men toward women. Although I found sexual release in masturbating to pornographic material, I was not drawn to porn depictions of man on woman missionary style sexual intercourse. Man-woman sex of a degrading nature was often arousing, though. As you can imagine, I developed an unhealthy attitude about sex with feelings of shame and guilt, and a deteriorating self-image.
I now understand, that I subconsciously identified with the female in most pornographic sexual depictions. Not being attracted to men, however, I found it repulsive to be vaginally penetrated by a man. My porn collection was dominated by images of beautiful solo girls and, later, pre-op trans women. Images of men's bodies were limited to close-ups of erect penises; rarely full body images, and almost never including the man's face. I was curious about gay porn, but never found it the least bit arousing.
A big clue to my sexual orientation was staring me in the face: cross dressing. It was incredibly arousing for me, while, at the same time, producing the strongest feelings of guilt and shame. When younger, slimmer, and prettier, I could feminize myself to the point that I liked looking at myself in the mirror. I even felt the desire to f**k myself once or twice, and probably would have if it was physically possible.
Only recently have I learned about men who are aroused by thoughts of being a woman, i.e., crossdreamers. I'm attracted to the idea of being a woman and playing the role of a woman in a sexual encounter. Under the influence of testosterone, that feminine gender identity produces sexual arousal and a quick route to orgasm. I thought it was a fetish. Now I know it was simply what happens when mixing my female gender identity with my male sexual libido. (PM took care of the latter.)
And, Samantha, let me say that learning that there is a name for people like me, helped to relieve my feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy. It also gave me an opportunity to come out to my wife about my gender identity and sexual orientation. You see, people generally fear the unknown, and either recoil from it, or attack it. They are much more rational and open about things they can understand.
Now that I'm accepting of who I am, even embracing my new found self, I'm finally at peace. No more confusion, frustration, or envy. Okay, I am still envious of some of you younger, prettier girls who have so much to look forward to in your lives as the women you were meant to be. I'm happy for you.
Clara
My admiration for women, as people, has greatly improved since I've stopped being afraid to acknowledge my own feminine proclivities.Nature has decreed that men be predators and women prey as an effective means to insure the survival of the species. I believe that the only thing that throttles that primal instinct is the enforcement of societal codes of conduct through moral conditioning and the threat of incarceration. As individuals, women have to constantly guard against the predatory instinct of men. You can feel it yourself when you venture out en femme (a little shudder).
Personally, I never experienced that instinct -- the irresistible drive to copulate. I was attracted to women, in a different way. Yes, I want to experience the radiance of their feminine charms, but I also enjoy the workings of their minds, and to experience the feelings and emotions that are distinctly female. I can be a good friend to a woman if given half a chance.
Like most young men, my admiration of the feminine form became the target of my sexual arousal, but not the woman herself. This contradiction plagued and frustrated me throughout life. I was, at the same time, both envious and appalled at the attitudes of most men toward women. Although I found sexual release in masturbating to pornographic material, I was not drawn to porn depictions of man on woman missionary style sexual intercourse. Man-woman sex of a degrading nature was often arousing, though. As you can imagine, I developed an unhealthy attitude about sex with feelings of shame and guilt, and a deteriorating self-image.
I now understand, that I subconsciously identified with the female in most pornographic sexual depictions. Not being attracted to men, however, I found it repulsive to be vaginally penetrated by a man. My porn collection was dominated by images of beautiful solo girls and, later, pre-op trans women. Images of men's bodies were limited to close-ups of erect penises; rarely full body images, and almost never including the man's face. I was curious about gay porn, but never found it the least bit arousing.
A big clue to my sexual orientation was staring me in the face: cross dressing. It was incredibly arousing for me, while, at the same time, producing the strongest feelings of guilt and shame. When younger, slimmer, and prettier, I could feminize myself to the point that I liked looking at myself in the mirror. I even felt the desire to f**k myself once or twice, and probably would have if it was physically possible.
Only recently have I learned about men who are aroused by thoughts of being a woman, i.e., crossdreamers. I'm attracted to the idea of being a woman and playing the role of a woman in a sexual encounter. Under the influence of testosterone, that feminine gender identity produces sexual arousal and a quick route to orgasm. I thought it was a fetish. Now I know it was simply what happens when mixing my female gender identity with my male sexual libido. (PM took care of the latter.)
And, Samantha, let me say that learning that there is a name for people like me, helped to relieve my feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy. It also gave me an opportunity to come out to my wife about my gender identity and sexual orientation. You see, people generally fear the unknown, and either recoil from it, or attack it. They are much more rational and open about things they can understand.
Now that I'm accepting of who I am, even embracing my new found self, I'm finally at peace. No more confusion, frustration, or envy. Okay, I am still envious of some of you younger, prettier girls who have so much to look forward to in your lives as the women you were meant to be. I'm happy for you.
Clara