[GoneGirl]

I am not sure how to talk to my wife or hide this from my wife.

Lisa, I missed this point in my previous response. It's a very important one.

I struggled with how to, or even whether to, tell my wife. It wasn't the taking of PM, per se, but the whole gender identity matter.

I came to point where I had to give expression to my female identity in a significant way. It would be impractical (although not impossible) to do so without her noticing. I knew that it would be a gamble to come out to her. I wasn't worried that she would leave me, but the possible loss of her love and respect weighed heavy.

I had been taking PM for a week when I sat down with my wife and explained what I was doing and why. She said barely a word, but the look on her face was of complete sadness. My feelings were laid bare before her; I don't think I'd ever felt so vulnerable.

I didn't mention the PM at first. I didn't want to throw too much at her all at once. We had many long talks in the days that followed. Again, mostly I talking, and she listening. It was difficult to gauge her feelings about it. She was 'confused' she said, or 'I don't understand'.

I had prepared before hand for this, having read up on the subject of gender identity disorder and 'crossdreaming' ahead of time. I was able to print out some material for her to read. It helped her to know that my condition was recognized in the medical/psychiatric field.

I eventually learned that her main fear was that our marriage would end. She assumed that I was gay, even though I assured her I wasn't. Then, about a week later her attitude changed. She began to accept the new me. She explained that it was good that I opened up to her. She said she always thought that our mediocre sex life was due to her own failings as a woman. Knowing the truth absolved her of that guilt. My sexuality was not that of a man comfortable in his own skin. That realization, for her and for me, was the beginning of a whole new era in our relationship.

Lisa, only you can decide whether coming out to your wife is worth the risk. I will say that, for me, living without the cloud of deception hanging over my marriage has been very liberating for me and my wife.

CK