[GoneGirl]

From what I'm saying, do I seem like I have GD?

My understanding is that GD (Gender Dysphoria) is not a simple "you have it or you don't" condition. I like Anne Vitale's preferred acronym: GEDAD (Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder). It emphasizes the true source of the mental and/or behavioral problems stemming from having a subconscious female gender identity. That is, it isn't having the exceptional gender identity that is causing problems, but rather, the inability, for whatever reason, to express that side of one's gender identity sufficiently. The severity of the resulting anguish depends on the proportion of subconscious gender identity, male vs. female, that exists along with the degree to which one side or the other is denied expression. I refer to my own gender identity issues as "gender dissonance" rather than "gender dysphoria" because it is not as serious a condition as the word "dysphoria" implies. For example, I don't suffer from depression.

As I've come to understand transgender theory better, I can see why gender dysphoria is more of a problem for bio-males with a strong subconscious female identity as compared to bio-females with a strong subconscious male identity. Our culture and society are more tolerant of girls expressing masculine traits than boys expressing feminine ones. Two of my sisters were quite 'tomboy' by nature. They were remarkably free to dress and act the way they felt, even to this day. Much of their masculine behavior was even celebrated. I, on the other hand, was compelled to suppress my girlish nature all through childhood and adulthood because of both subtle and unmistakable messages: that any expression of feminine inclinations was unacceptable. Period.

When intrinsic gender inclinations are denied normal means of expression, stresses built up and find release in ways that are damaging to a person's ability to achieve his full potential.

A gender therapist can help a person determine the degree to which one's cross gender identity is a problem. Some transgender persons require full transition to the opposite sex. Others, like me for example, have a split subconscious sex, roughly 50/50 male to female. If I transitioned to live full time as a woman, with HRT and SRS, there's a good chance I would end up regretful and unhappy, especially at this late stage in life. I can cope with a much more modest transition (I hope).

Only you, with the possible aid of a therapist, can determine the degree to which gender identity is the cause of certain psychological problems that you may be experiencing. I took a DIY approach, but I'm not recommending that others should as well. Finding a good therapist can be a problem though. The most recent insights in gender identity theory and practice (SOC - WPATH) are not universally understood by psychologists across the board. You may have to live in, or travel to, a large city to find qualified professional help. I mention this only because I recall you writing that you plan to consult a doctor (therapist?) down the road.

Everything I write is just my personal opinion. It's good to get other points of view, as well.

Good luck on your journey of self-discovery, Hurricane!

BTW, is that Hurricane as in "Hurricane Katrina"?

She was quite a woman, too; a force to be reckoned with.

CK