[Marina Kits]

I recall when I knew I was different --- it was in fifth grade and, after having finally hit the softball I ran to first base (me, the littlest boy in the class!) and as I ran, I saw my best friend Neil playing first base for the other team. I ran as fast as my skinny little body would carry me and I made it! I got to first base!! I smiled with pride at Neil, who said to me "Way to go!" I looked into his eyes and impulsively kissed him. I meant it. I just kissed him on the lips --- no thought, no thinking --- and all of a sudden the WHOLE field erupted into a riot!!!
I was like "Uh oh, OMG....run!!" and I did.
Anyway, I got suspended for three days. No fair.
But it was clear from early days who I was, and what I liked.

From then on, I just dressed androgynously, and it worked. My hair was long and my jeans always tight by 6th grade. In 7th I wore makeup, and got my ears pierced. In 8th I insisted on wearing a dress to school, only to get beaten up again. But it was also in 8th grade where I met a perfect boy, and we dated secretly, and I felt whole and loved and pretty and feminine. He was older and bigger and muscular and just a flat-out hunk. Being wrapped in his embrace, held and kissed --- I knew I was where I belonged.

The journey of life had begun.......

Being me. All of us, being us. It requires courage and hope and friendship. So thank you, for being my friend

XOXOXO

Ohhhh, that's really sweet Robin. At least the part when you were completely true to yourself and just kissed Neil in that purely innocent and genuine moment. Were you mortified when you realized what happened? I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you after that. I know I could hardly bear my years in school and that was even while successfully hiding my real feelings from everyone. I wish I could have gone to school with you or someone else who had the courage to blaze a path for me. I know things would be completely different for me today had I been encouraged by someone, ...anyone. And I know I would have really enjoyed doing this life as a woman - I'm sure of it. Thankfully, I've finally found peace where I'm at though. Anyway, it warmed my heart to read your story, thanks for sharing it Robin.