[flamesabers]

I think the larger question is how do you feel about yourself. Do you wish you could make your GD disappear just like that and enjoy being and living as a male? Or do you accept and maybe even cherish your female identity as an important part of who you are, despite the unhappiness this conflict creates for you?

You have asked a very hard question and have nailed my two demons perfectly. My initial thought is that I (emphasis on I) don't really have a problem with my female desires and tenancies but I feel pressure from somewhere to "fix" them, like I'm not SUPPOSED to be this way or it's some sort of illness or defect. Does that make any sense? Your questions are revealing my own confusion so I can only imagine how unsure of myself I must look to you. I guess I want someone or something to tell me I'm OK. I would like some justification for the way I am and for that to be very compelling. ...I never thought I was this insecure about all this until now and I'm kind of fearful of what I've revealed to everyone. Is it OK to be confused here?

I think what you're saying makes sense. You don't personally object to your female desires, but perhaps due to external expectations (real or perceived), whether it be from family, religion or society, you feel you aren't living up to others' standards. I think that's a tough position to be in. You don't want to disappoint or embarrass those closest to you, but at the same time you want to be honest with who you are. I think that's why using the condition of being intersex is so convenient for you. It resolves this dilemma without forcing you to have to choose one path over the other.