[BEV-cup]

This is great conversation. I told my wife about these 'fleeting' desires to dress and even becoming a woman about 8 years ago. I have bought clothes, wigs, make up and shoes, and purged them all. Since then we have had a girl, almost 6 and we have a boy on the way.

For the most part I have been able to suppress my desires and we have had a happy marriage. Until this last week.

Throughout my life these feelings overwhelm me during times of high stress. Well my job changed in October (taking a pay cut in the process), we sold our condo and a tight housing market has us living in a very expensive apartment - although it is very nice. And of course the baby on the way.

So I told her and she cried and cried. Especially when thinking about the children. She stated she will leave me if I want to be a woman. I could of course still see the kids but my role would be restricted. Seperated definitely. Divorced most likely.
She woke up crying today.

My occupation is as a personal fitness trainer so 'fitted' clothing is part of my uniform. I'm 5'10" and 155 lb and under 10% body fat (not bragging just stating facts). I would love to grow breast but don't believe it would help me in my business. Most guys are looking to lose their moobs. Luckily shaving my body hair is acceptable in my business.

I am currently taking SP to lower my Testosterone levels. I was thinking of taking PM since some folks have said it lessons the desire to transition (others had just the opposites effect). But my concern is just how effective is the feminization process. Because easing the mind and sparing the body would be ideal now. I love my family, I love my job. And I just don't see a way forward.

And I am going to start seeing a therapist this week as well.

Jessica

Hi Golus1,
Wow, thanks so much for ur feedback!!! Would your wife be willing to chat with me on this forum?? I understand her feelings. Its not really a man-about-the-house thingy....but more of a gender-specific ROLE that we have been taught to identify with. It gives us a sense of direction & purpose within a relationship. Men are the protector/providers, Women are the nurturers & support systems within a family (brief description here.) The children also being dependent, receive their gender-role cues from parents. Having the "strong man" taking care of the family gets fuzzy & non defined once a husbands desires are disclosed. First worry is probably, "does my husband like men?" Second thought is probably, "arent I enough of a woman for him?" Then there are the other things that one really does have to consider when in a relationship & coming out.....FAMILY!!!

I thought my hubby was just going to gad about in heels & skirts. I was a little shocked when he wanted make up, wigs, bra & breastforms!!! I was unaware that crossdressing meant LOOKING like a woman & "passing" as one. Yes, observing your husband, your masculine partner as a female can be an uncomfortable experience first off. What made it easier for me, was, that I had to know hubby's motivation behind this activity. I knew it made him feel good. I knew it was a great de-stressor for him. I knew it made him happy. We could have a giggle over a few things too. I have been out with him about 3x now, to a park at night for about half an hour each time. I can see how excited he is when he wants to go out with me dressed as a woman fully made up....wig & all. He is 6' 2", I am 5' 11" so when I have my heels on, I am as tall as him, so it kinda doesnt look so....um....'odd' ?? The thing is, that I love my husband very much. This activity doesnt hurt anyone. If you want to keep it just between you & your wife, then so be it, no one has to know.

When our girls arent home, my hubby gets dressed. He loves the womens underwear & I like it on him too. But these are early days for me & it does take getting used to. I say that it is 'part of the family' now & I mean it. I dont know if anyone else in our family should know? My hubby's parents know, but not to the full extent. It is a harmless activity that has prejudice written all over it. I have dicussed with my hubby that I dont want him to transition....(he doesnt have the desire.) There are a few websites out there about cross dressing that have helped me see what its all about. It is up to the specific couple to talk about their personal boundaries on the subject ie: putting a limit on dressing frequency, applying some ground rules (some wives limit colours in clothes or styles? ) so that the wife feels more comfortable. You are a 'couple' in a relationship of sharing, caring & give & take. With an unbiased mind, this subject can be spoken of freely within the home. If she cant bring herself to talk about it....maybe texting, or using a chat site (eg: msn) to talk to each other, that way it can mask body language & give u more time to think about what each other has to say so to avoid any unpleasant or misunderstood reactions???? If this is something thats not going to go away, then it needs to be addressed. Its more than a 'hobby'. I think they call it gender dysphoria here? Heterosexual males needing to feminize themselves. My hubby said he had always wanted breasts....I feel privelidged that he can feel comfortable enough with me to discuss this topic. I feel humbled that he feels so at ease with me that he can be dressed anytime he wants. (When kids are in bed or away )

It takes a little getting used to kissing ur hubby with lips full of lipstick, or bumping into the bra during an embrace or hearing the clacking of heels upstairs when your the only woman in the house!!! But it always makes me smile when he comes out in a creation that actually doesnt look too bad. We share all our clothes which has helped me feel more open & accepting toward him (for want of a better word)
Emotions run high at these times. Im sorry your wife is crying over it. She is a raging hormonal wreck at the moment, being pregnant, so dont forget to factor that into the equation. This is a happy occasion for you both (birth of baby) just make sure you both tell each other you LOVE each other every day, she will need alot of re-assuring, as she will be fearful of the unknown. Education casts out fear.....the unknown breeds it. Encourage ur wife to get online & read about it.

I dont know about the transitioning part..... I can only speak for myself. But I would hazard a guess that ur wife would think straight away that she would be seen as a 'lesbian'?? possibly? Maybe it would be a good idea for both of you to see a therapist re transitioning? Do include your wife in what you want to do, otherwise she may get more alienated from the whole idea? .... Im only guessing here. I have no idea what she actually thinks, but she does sound a tad distressed over it all.
Hope it all works out.
Any more wives out there willing to share experiences please???