[Mandy88]

Thank you sfem

Had a good nights sleep and thought through a lot of things. I am quite sure I'm trans. The feelings PM allows to surface in my mind that causes me anxiety is my life situation and how extremely bad I have felt for years. It hurts to think about. And the years of isolation, depression and social phobia have left me without a properly functioning life. I got no structures I can rely on exept my family and two friends I am being honest with; no job, no school, no nothing. I rarely go out, I have few friends. My life has been on ice for a long time and when PM brings me in touch with my feelings it hurts to admit for myself. That I got no real life. Most of my time I spend alone.
The strongest feelings are those of isolation and loneliness. I need to get a real 'life'.
I have denied myself 3 doses of PM now. I think my breasts will countinue to grow for a while even without PM as they did last round. I think the effective dose for me is extremely low, this is probably why I feel such a bodily impact of it. I mean, lactating after 7 days of 500mg/day seems extreme? I just tried it again and I can still do it. Maybe I have some sort of hormonal condition since before. I dont know for sure but I was inspecting my body last night in front of the mirror and I think I have more hips, I also think my tummy has changed apperance although I cant explain exactly what about it that has changed.
Isn't it wise to try and go for the lowest effective dosage? Next try it will be 250/day that I try.
Mandy