[Pansy-Mae]

Hi P,

I'm not sure what the difference is.

Well, my interpretation is that I have no desire to go 'all the way', I truly am in the middle. Whereas, I think ( and I apologise if I've misunderstood) that you've indicated that it is your love/concern etc for your wife/family that makes that a no-no for you.

With PM, I'm contented too. However, you yourself have said that when you go off PM, the desire to cross-dress returns. What if you came off PM and denied yourself the cross-dressing for an extended period of time? Have you ever done this? I'd be interested to know the result.

No I haven't done that as such, although there have been 2 or 3 previous occasions when I stopped dressing for extended periods of time ( as much as 7 years), and truly thought the need had gone completely. Those times were always as a result of intense personal emotional stress which somehow seems to have overridden whatever else is there.

The full name of what Vitale refers to is "Gender Expression Anxiety"; you've never really had a problem expressing your feminity have you?

That could be read two ways, so to give you both answers: I've never had a problem internally with who/what I am, but I have always been dead scared of others finding out.

I think you once mentioned being an active participant in the TV scene, or do I have that wrong?

I was, but many years ago ( at least 18 or 19 ). Since it came back about 18 months ago, I've been out dressed twice and that was about 15 months ago.

The thing is, I am coming to the conclusion that my anxiety symptoms were caused by the inability in my situation to express my internal gender via clothing, and this manifested as "true" anxiety. You on the other hand have been using cross-dressing for a long time and it was only after taking PM you ceased to feel the need to do so.

I think I see where you are coming from, but I'm not entirely convinced it is the same thing. Yes, for me the dressing was, I'm sure, the way that I expressed my feminine side, and taking the opportunity to grow boobs was just an extension of that. However the phyto-hormones have apparently now balanced out the natural imbalance in my body-brain and I'm fine with it. If I take too much PM, aside from the headaches etc, I also don't feel right and get the "Why am I doing this?" feelings which make me stop taking it for a day or two, then I get the panics about losing growth and start again at a lower dose. If I just stop, then I get the panics anyway! So I really am balanced in the middle.

I think the only difference between me and the other "middle-grounders" is that I have not been in a position to cross dress for some decades now.

Anyway - not really worth arguing about... I think our relative positions are of a marginal interpretation! I'm not a quibbler... (honest! )

Well, that comes back to whether you would go all the way if there were no other personal restrictions? ... and I'm not quibbling either, I think this is a fascinating area for a sensible discussion.

PS I forgot to say, I don't swallow everything Vitale says hook line and sinker. It's just after treating 450 sufferers, she's got a bit more experience than me..

I think that what she says makes a great deal of sense, but she simply doesnt include the middle of the roaders in that paper, other than mentioning the existence.
I guess because she doesnt come across them in her work.