[beverley.rose]

TV is something completely different and I can't fully understand their motives and direction, even though I have fantasied about dressing in women's clothing I think it was for a different subset of reasons. I don't personally know any TVs, and honestly I've never met a TS or TV, nevermind a support group for either.

I was like that myself for many years and when I did meet TVs I found it a very off-putting experience. They were nice enough in their own way but the 'drag queen' variety I found to be very unsettling (for me). I could not identify with them, I could never see me as 'one of them'

I understand now why I felt as I did. It is because, for me, the clothes were merely an assistance in passing - something that helped me be unnoticed whereas the drag-queen TVs were basically screaming 'Notice me!!! Look at me!!! I am outrageous and I love it!!!!!'

The other variety of TV I met was the cling-to-the-table or what-do-mean-go-OUTSIDE-in-a-dress variety which I still do not understand.

The upshot is that after a brief introduction to the TV scene, I never went back there and I never will. TS is different, it is me and how I feel about myself and the body image I want to project and the shape I want to live in and what I am prepared to do to MYSELF to achieve it. I have no concerns what others (strangers) think of me because being TS is my problem, not theirs, and I specifically go out of my way not to draw attention to myself by being as ordinary as I can.

I live in and grew up in a pretty small town where the majority are hunters/rednecks/etc. Essentially a town that probably wouldn't understand me

You know the people there and I do not and you live in a different country too, but here, in England, on the outskirts of a city, I find that people who manage to 'read' me are polite. I have only had one incident where I was getting on the Manchester Metro dressed in my work suit (jacket and skirt, white blouse, court shoes and tights) and a bunch of skinheads were walking past and one yelled 'trannie' at me and then had a laugh with his mates and walked away. I ignored the whole incident. That is the worst abuse I have ever suffered.

I know that worse things can happen, but perhaps you might be surprised by how supportive people can be, especially women. I suppose it depends if you feel the need to 'come out'

Beverley