[bryony]

Bryony,
I could not have done this, on my own,. The support I needed was minimal, but vital. I worry., that you think this is a walk, in the park and will get a rude awakening. Please find a support group, you truly need it and better now, tham when it is too late.
Big Hugs
Chrissie xxx

Hi Chrissie,

Oh no.... I think it's anything but a walk in the park! I may have started off thinking that, with the aim of getting enough size to remain discreet and then going to maintenance (which was the deal that my wife agreed to), but I had not bargained with the mental benefits.

Now the game has changed, and I'm not sure how to proceed. Any direction is a big step, and in such a situation the natural tendency is to do nothing. I've been in the closet a very long time and in a kind of settled situation with my family. To go to a support group, I would either have to do it covertly - not a good idea and hard to explain regular absences - or say to my wife that that is what I'm going to do and risk her freaking out and insisting that I stop the PM and it all getting very fractious. That's a risk I don't want to take.

On the other hand if I do nothing, except take PM, which she does not want me to stop at present, as the mental benefits are so obvious, then - I'm hoping - she and the others will gradually get used to any changes as they happen until such time as they need to be explained.

Anyway, that's what I mean by playing by ear.

I'm afraid the only support group I will be using in the short-medium term is/are you good people, as long as you are willing to chat!

I just don't feel able/ready/willing/courageous enough to do anything positive yet.

And, if the worst comes to the worst, I will give up the PM, grit my teeth and carry on as before. My loved ones are more important to me than I am! I would be grumpy and slightly depressed, but I would survive.

When all is said and done, I'd rather be part of their lives discontented with my body than be apart from them and still discontented with my body! (since I would never be able to look like Lyndsy Fonseca! )

TTFN and thanks for caring!

B. x

PS

I did tell my wife that if I could push a button and look like Lyndsy Fonseca, I would!