[beverley.rose]

Thanks Beverley.
When I took the Cognati, I had taken no hormones and was still trying to suppress my transsexuality. I am convinced tht there is a huge chasm, that divides TS from TV.

I know what you mean, and neither TS nor TV seems to address what some on here want - to be very male but with breasts.

I think that the herbs have unlocked stuff that was previously suppressed by me, but I have always been female in my dreams and it is only since January that I have started being female in my own life.

Was this caused by dropping T levels as I aged? Did the T help me suppress my urges? I kept them down for 15 years at one time but eventually something as simple as an overwhelming desire to paint my toenails did me in. It was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. It released something in me and I was doomed from that point.

Isabelle says (and I have read elsewhere) that brain gender is set before birth and I am not disagreeing with her because I think it is right, but whatever my brain gender I am certain I do not want to be a man with breasts. I thought I did when I started, I thought that breasts would help me pass as a TV but I am now going beyond that. This week I start laser treatment for hair removal and PM is my gateway to a different kind of life. Not better or worse, but different. I know that there is no shining gateway of happiness to pass through. I am neither blinkered, nor hopeful, nor stupid.

TS or extreme TV? I do not know. Ask Chrissie for an opinion (I will not be offended) because she has met me and sometimes others see more clearly than we see ourselves. I do not know if it even makes a difference to me anymore as long as I get to remain Beverley.

One thing I am certain of - I would rather tell people that I am TS than TV. What does that say about me?

Beverley