17-02-2025, 10:58 PM
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Just trying to live and get through life.
So since I last posted I had gotten pneumonia at the end of Dec. Felt more confused about who I am and what I'm doing. Decided to stop all HRT for the time being until I met with my therapist and endocrinologist.
Met with my endocrinologist who had absolutely no experience what so ever. Each appointment she has someone else I the room that she refers to and lets them decide the course of action. So I got my patient advocate involved and now I a new endocrinologist lol.
My new endocrinologist change my HRT program. I was doing Spiro everyday at 100mg, and 10mg of EV once every 2 weeks.
My new program is 5 mg ev once a week. No Spiro or any kind of anti androgen for the time being. I expressed concerns that I felt neither female or male, and sexual desire libedo and function practically went to -1000%. So for the time being no.spiro we are going to see how estrogen only therapy works for me. I wanted to try to get t gel to supplement with for function but he said they usually only supplement that in once the patient has gotten their normal maintenance dose of HRT that they will be on for the long haul. Maybe that's true maybe it was an excuse who knows. But for know I feel I have a better endorsement who is willing to take my suggestions seriously.
Meeting with my VA therapist weekly now. And I feel more affirmed and confident I am on the right path now. Not afraid of all the what ifs that can happen. My vision is becoming more clear by the day as to who I am and who I want to be.
My wife and I are existing together. She gave me an ultimatum that she wants me to have a more clear picture of who I am and what direction I need to go in after the first initial block of therapy sessions I have set up with the VA, which ends in early March. So I'm certain there will be some hard times ahead coming soon since I plan to tell her that I want to transition and finally be myself. I'm sure it will be rough for awhile until the shock of it wear off even tho I'm sure she sees this coming. I can't control what she does or feels. All I can do is control myself, and my attitude and mindset.
I plan to just go with the flow for the most part. Take it one day a a time. Take steps everyday to get closer to who I want to be..and when I get thrown a curve ball I will deal with it when it happens what ever it may be (coming out at work,. socially, having to deal with separation or divorce, changing work etc) but until then it will be business as usual. And if I have to intervene from time to time then I will to ensure I am able to continue on my journey (as slow or fast as it may be) .
I have been practicing gratitude, mindfulness and positivity on a daily basis and it has definitely helped alot. I am sure it will come in handy in the future.
I am finally ready to take the mask off, and allow myself to be me, to finally allow myself to be happy.
So since I last posted I had gotten pneumonia at the end of Dec. Felt more confused about who I am and what I'm doing. Decided to stop all HRT for the time being until I met with my therapist and endocrinologist.
Met with my endocrinologist who had absolutely no experience what so ever. Each appointment she has someone else I the room that she refers to and lets them decide the course of action. So I got my patient advocate involved and now I a new endocrinologist lol.
My new endocrinologist change my HRT program. I was doing Spiro everyday at 100mg, and 10mg of EV once every 2 weeks.
My new program is 5 mg ev once a week. No Spiro or any kind of anti androgen for the time being. I expressed concerns that I felt neither female or male, and sexual desire libedo and function practically went to -1000%. So for the time being no.spiro we are going to see how estrogen only therapy works for me. I wanted to try to get t gel to supplement with for function but he said they usually only supplement that in once the patient has gotten their normal maintenance dose of HRT that they will be on for the long haul. Maybe that's true maybe it was an excuse who knows. But for know I feel I have a better endorsement who is willing to take my suggestions seriously.
Meeting with my VA therapist weekly now. And I feel more affirmed and confident I am on the right path now. Not afraid of all the what ifs that can happen. My vision is becoming more clear by the day as to who I am and who I want to be.
My wife and I are existing together. She gave me an ultimatum that she wants me to have a more clear picture of who I am and what direction I need to go in after the first initial block of therapy sessions I have set up with the VA, which ends in early March. So I'm certain there will be some hard times ahead coming soon since I plan to tell her that I want to transition and finally be myself. I'm sure it will be rough for awhile until the shock of it wear off even tho I'm sure she sees this coming. I can't control what she does or feels. All I can do is control myself, and my attitude and mindset.
I plan to just go with the flow for the most part. Take it one day a a time. Take steps everyday to get closer to who I want to be..and when I get thrown a curve ball I will deal with it when it happens what ever it may be (coming out at work,. socially, having to deal with separation or divorce, changing work etc) but until then it will be business as usual. And if I have to intervene from time to time then I will to ensure I am able to continue on my journey (as slow or fast as it may be) .
I have been practicing gratitude, mindfulness and positivity on a daily basis and it has definitely helped alot. I am sure it will come in handy in the future.
I am finally ready to take the mask off, and allow myself to be me, to finally allow myself to be happy.