[Csquared]

I find my libido being almost totally gone, and 100% under my control very soothing. There's no "need" for anything any more, my body isn't forcing me to release like what T dominance does. Its a huge relief, life feels easier in a way. But there's of course a downside to it.

Urge and need to dress up and stuff also goes away, but I've figured that's more of a balance change from "I need to" to "Now I am". These days I, how could I put it, feel feminine at all times, it doesn't wear off. Or should I call it having a peace of mind? Feeling right? Something like that. The urgency of all external things is gone and now its about existing. Its yet another huge mental relief. These are kind of things about HRT that's not talked so much. The mental change is massive, its like night and day difference to something better.

You shouldn't worry too much about something not being right if HRT makes you feel different, its not wrong, just different and keep in mind your body needs several years to fully adapt as we're inducing a hormonal second puberty quite literally. Its always weird at first. For me certain things started to feel easier and mentally more peaceful at around two year mark. I know a friend who told that to her it took about three years for everything to calm down.

Don't be hasty and don't worry too much, its very awkward at first when you don't know how it'll be like after a while. It'll grow on you.

Thanks Lara, you always seem to know what to say to calm my worries. Lol.  I wasn't sure if I would feel "neutered" for lack of a better word, or if I'll eventually feel more feminine and stay on the more feminine side of the gender spectrum like I would like. The only thing I can compare is to is how some people have said BO did the same thing of making them feel neither masculine or feminine. 

But I'm glad it's just a phase (I hope) lol. 

I think I'm starting to get imposter syndrome. I feel like most things I say across different platforms is not in alignment with how everyone else talks, or their mind set. 

For example I asked if anyone knew of some good places to find women's clothing that fits larger framed people, or what brands were some good brands that have a good range of sizes. And the response was that, it' was just clothing, not specifically women's clothing. So bc I made the differentiation by specifically asking for women's clothing vs just clothing ( since it's assumed everyone is a women on some of these other forums and platforms),that there was no real help offered. 

That's just a simple example. But now that I feel more in-between genders more than ever I find myself not thinking and feeling like I was before I started NBE and Spiro to where I don't think or talk in terms of being feminine or a woman for that matter. 

I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I can't find the right words to describe it.