[CM213]

Thanks. Everything you said is much appreciated and has not fallen on deaf ears. I am just a realist. Also for context I was in the USMC infantry for 10 years, that being said you end up changing into a darker version of yourself. So in the end we all have become some disturbing individuals after our time in the military. Most people don't understand us, typically only other people who have served can relate. We all have dark sense of humor and a morbid out look on life. We joke about it, but we all know sadly most of us will become another statistics of suicide. It just is what it is. So I am even more morbidly realistic about the most likely possible outcomes that's all. I honestly did not expect to live as long as I have (which I am 37, turn 38 at the end of this month). I was completely prepared to not survive my 1st or 2nd enlistments in the Marines. I have seen and experienced a lot. 

I guess what I am getting at is that there's more to me being realistic about how I will meet my end bc there is more than just living a life that I feel I am not completely myself. If that makes sense. 

Anyways. I do appreciate everything you've said. I don't typically make rash choices. I usually watch and wait till something forces me to react to it. Lol