[CM213]

Hey Caged, I'm not bothered by the length of your story… the important thing is it's out in the open (with the wife) and you need to express your feelings now.

Lol, I made the mistake of leaving my phone open (for like five minutes) near my wife… long enough for her to read about my wanting to transition and seeing a few of my boob pics. My situation went down much like yours Caged. That was about 4 yrs ago, we're still together. My situation is also a lot like Kay-Ladys too.

Lesson learned if you're not ready to be outed,  don't forget to close your phone, and yes, my phone is password protected. Imho, its human nature for partners to snoop on their partner's phone, the temptation is to great.

Not all relationships stay intact once someone comes out (in our context as trans), but some do, and that gives hope to someone like you in the beginning stages of trying to sort things out with the other half. Lol, my wife doesn't pick out bras, clothes or make-up for me... actually I prefer it that way anyways. There's different (call what you want) levels, forms (etc) of being trans, or expressions. For myself I don't feel the need to be all girly, I still enjoy doing guy stuff. It's more important how I see myself under my clothes (meaning, mind, body and spirit)… using makeup, doing my nails, or how the cookie cutter mold of how transwomen should be isn't me at all. I've learned I'm non-binary, and I don't give crap what anyone has to say about it. 

Caged, I hope you and your wife can work things out and stay together. I hope the same for any other couples (married or not) going through similar events. I've been married for 27 yrs, it's not perfect, despite our troubles we still love each other, as many times as I think we can't make it, I just can't see myself living life without her, and that's enough for me to keep going… together.

Thank you for sharing your story, it may help some people. 

Thanks lotus I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. I'm not sure what exactly I am or how trans I am or even ever will be. I know at my core there are still many things that won't change no matter if I'm a man or woman. The things that I like to do are still going to be the same regardless. Some are things that are considered more masculine and some are considered things that are probably more feminine. Again I'm not sure where I'm a land but as of right now I feel like I may be more non-binary or gender fluid as I'm going through day to day things but like you said I think you described it well as it doesn't matter what's on the outside or the stereotypical things that trans women do to make them look and feel more girly like you said I feel it's more about underneath all that and being 100% at peace with your body and mind being an accurate reflection of one another. 

27 years of marriage is an amazing accomplishment. Here's to many more years for you and your wife. I hope you are doing well and thank you for your kind words and encouragement.