[Kay Lady]

It's a tough situation. If I transition, I could lose my job. My spouse won't leave, she knows about this part of me, but I have grown children from a previous marriage and are hateful toward LGBTQ. Then my spouse's family might alienate me. I have friends who would not be friends with me. So my choice is to stay a male and keep everything or transition and lose my job, kids, friends. So I question the situation all the time. Who am I living for? Them or me? I would like to live for me, but I wish the fallout wasn't so painful. When I meditate, I picture myself how I think that I would look like as a woman. I have let my hair grow long and wear it in a ponytail. Everyone thinks I am weird but so what, I am. During Covid, I pierced my own ears. I wear earrings around the house and out sometimes, but not to work or by family. I epilate most of my body hair. I also take some herbs for breast growth. So I feel like I am transitioning but still present as a man. Maybe things will change for me. All I know is that we should be able to be our true selves and not suffer losing family, friends and jobs. Or be attacked or called names. I don't know how to change the whole situation. It would take a huge shift in attitude across society and that is not happening soon. I am lucky that my wife knows and will not leave me. The only advice I would have is to talk to a therapist. I would also stay off sites on your phone for now.