05-04-2023, 11:36 PM
I haven't transitioned in the traditional sense. I have grown my hair long, pierced my ears and follow some NBE. I feel very feminine, altho I present as a guy. My workplace is terribly transphobic and hateful. I cannot afford to leave right now, so I ignore it as best as I can. I have grown kids that I know would not talk to me if I came out. I am older. I often think after I retire in a few years, I may start living as a woman 24/7. Not sure how I will handle my kids not talking to me. Maybe by then, I won't care. I grew up during a time, the 1970s & 1980s, when to be trans would be a very bad thing. Especially at my school and in my family.
The wasted years to me, means that I lived according to everyone's expectations of me. My family was also very dysfunctional and I grew up putting my needs last and everyone else's first. I also grew up with the belief that I am just not good enough. Now that I am realizing and healing, I can see my past as painfully wasted. Not because I lived as a guy, but because I always put my needs and myself last.
I knew that I was trans when I was young. But I stuffed the feelings down and tried to be a normal guy just to survive. As a teen when puberty started, I would dream at night that I was a girl. The dreams scared me and made me think that I was gay, which was very bad in the 1970s. You would get beat up at school and by my family. I now know that I wasn't gay as I wasn't attracted to guys, but they were transgender feelings. Now that I am older, I have thought about my needs and who I really am. This has been a journey of self discovery and healing for me. I am not sure if I will pass if/when I come out. Makeup can do amazing things. I am ok with makeup, but would love to take some classes to improve my skills. I have not working on my voice yet.
Kay
The wasted years to me, means that I lived according to everyone's expectations of me. My family was also very dysfunctional and I grew up putting my needs last and everyone else's first. I also grew up with the belief that I am just not good enough. Now that I am realizing and healing, I can see my past as painfully wasted. Not because I lived as a guy, but because I always put my needs and myself last.
I knew that I was trans when I was young. But I stuffed the feelings down and tried to be a normal guy just to survive. As a teen when puberty started, I would dream at night that I was a girl. The dreams scared me and made me think that I was gay, which was very bad in the 1970s. You would get beat up at school and by my family. I now know that I wasn't gay as I wasn't attracted to guys, but they were transgender feelings. Now that I am older, I have thought about my needs and who I really am. This has been a journey of self discovery and healing for me. I am not sure if I will pass if/when I come out. Makeup can do amazing things. I am ok with makeup, but would love to take some classes to improve my skills. I have not working on my voice yet.
Kay