Hey hi,
I think I have always known something was different but did not undertsand what that meant or what was possible until it was too late.
At 4 or 5 I remember wanting to wear a diaper to be just like my sister did.
At 10 or 11 I had dreams where I was a girl. Nothing erotic or sexual, just a girl living her life with a broken leg. Don't ask me why.
At 15 I was molested more than once by an older man (20s) who was friends with some of my girlfriends at school.
By 16 I had discovered the library at school, l read about Christine Jorgenson and found a book called "From James to Jan". This was my first encounter with the idea that one could change gender and it changed my life. I was dating my first love then and shared my feelings with her. She was supportive and we experimented with dressing me up once. Soon after that she broke up with me. Related? Maybe, maybe not, but lesson learned. Never Share!
In college things got bad enough that I took a year off after hiding in my room and x-dressing for most of a semester. During that time off, I went to a psychiatrist, looking (hoping maybe) to find a medical reason for my dysphoria. He tested my T levels and said they were in the normal range and I stopped seeing him soon after being unwilling or unable to share more about what was going on in my head. I think I lacked the courage of my convictions (and probably still do).
Over the next 30 years the feeling ebbed and flowed, sometimes stronger mostly dormant. I got married in my 40s to a woman who would never have been my type physically but was a perfect match mentally and emotionally. We have 1 son who is my doppelganger at the same age. After the pandemic lockdown started, the old feelings returned with a vengeance and I started experimenting with various herbal HRT methods. I also found this site and started reading everything I could. I told myself I was doing all this to be better informed and just to test the waters, but no matter how limited the results have been I haven't stopped. (Could have bought a car with what I have spent so far, or at least a down payment). I also started buying clothes (mostly underwear and jeans that I don't think are too obviously women's).
Although, I haven't been caught directly (yet), my wife is smart and has figured out some of what is going on. When she asks, I instinctively deny it. (See rule one: Never Share!)
I will probably never go through a complete transition, not just because I would not make a convincing woman owing to the fact that I am 6' 3" and show no signs of shrinking, but also because I would not put my family through all that it would entail and by the time my son is old enough I will be near 70. Today my mind still thinks "if I made it this long surely I can make it to the end", all evidence of NBE and self medication to the contrary. My hope is that a subtle change will be enough.
Anyway, that is my story and maybe this time sharing won't come back to bite me. The anonymity of the internet can be a wonderful thing.
Sincerely,
-Kitt.
I think I have always known something was different but did not undertsand what that meant or what was possible until it was too late.
At 4 or 5 I remember wanting to wear a diaper to be just like my sister did.
At 10 or 11 I had dreams where I was a girl. Nothing erotic or sexual, just a girl living her life with a broken leg. Don't ask me why.
At 15 I was molested more than once by an older man (20s) who was friends with some of my girlfriends at school.
By 16 I had discovered the library at school, l read about Christine Jorgenson and found a book called "From James to Jan". This was my first encounter with the idea that one could change gender and it changed my life. I was dating my first love then and shared my feelings with her. She was supportive and we experimented with dressing me up once. Soon after that she broke up with me. Related? Maybe, maybe not, but lesson learned. Never Share!
In college things got bad enough that I took a year off after hiding in my room and x-dressing for most of a semester. During that time off, I went to a psychiatrist, looking (hoping maybe) to find a medical reason for my dysphoria. He tested my T levels and said they were in the normal range and I stopped seeing him soon after being unwilling or unable to share more about what was going on in my head. I think I lacked the courage of my convictions (and probably still do).
Over the next 30 years the feeling ebbed and flowed, sometimes stronger mostly dormant. I got married in my 40s to a woman who would never have been my type physically but was a perfect match mentally and emotionally. We have 1 son who is my doppelganger at the same age. After the pandemic lockdown started, the old feelings returned with a vengeance and I started experimenting with various herbal HRT methods. I also found this site and started reading everything I could. I told myself I was doing all this to be better informed and just to test the waters, but no matter how limited the results have been I haven't stopped. (Could have bought a car with what I have spent so far, or at least a down payment). I also started buying clothes (mostly underwear and jeans that I don't think are too obviously women's).
Although, I haven't been caught directly (yet), my wife is smart and has figured out some of what is going on. When she asks, I instinctively deny it. (See rule one: Never Share!)
I will probably never go through a complete transition, not just because I would not make a convincing woman owing to the fact that I am 6' 3" and show no signs of shrinking, but also because I would not put my family through all that it would entail and by the time my son is old enough I will be near 70. Today my mind still thinks "if I made it this long surely I can make it to the end", all evidence of NBE and self medication to the contrary. My hope is that a subtle change will be enough.
Anyway, that is my story and maybe this time sharing won't come back to bite me. The anonymity of the internet can be a wonderful thing.
Sincerely,
-Kitt.