I am definitely trans. I was born in the 1960's. I wanted to be a girl as a child. I had dreams at night that I was a girl. When I saw a Playboy magazine, I wanted to be those women. In the 1960's, you could not talk to anyone about feelings like this, so I buried the feelings. They would only surface from time to time, and in my nightly dreams. My childhood was rough, parents were very dysfunctional. I learned to live to their expectations of what they wanted me to be and I learned shame and unworthiness as a person. As I grew up, I crossdressed a few times. Then I would feel shame and guilt then throw away all clothes, wigs and makeup.
A few years ago, I started to try and heal my shame and past emotional wounds. I tried to find myself. Yes, I started to scratch through the programming of the past. And there I was, with my true feelings. I am not completely healed of my shame and wounds. It seems like a lifelong path. I am trying to honor my true identity. I have grown my hair long, pierced my ears, removed body hair and started taking NBE supplements. I am not all the way out. Only a few trusted people know. If I come out, and I hope that I do one day, there will be fallout. Lost friends, family and there is my career. I am hoping to retire and then come out. I know that I am not just a crossdresser. When I dress up, I never want to take the clothes, make up and jewelry off.
I will tell others out there, that these feelings don't go away. Don't think that getting a girlfriend or a wife will cure this. Keep that in mind. The feelings of honoring your true identity are pure bliss. Nothing else like it. If you stuff it down, you most likely will feel depressed and anxious. You may become angry and lash out at others. If you feel shame about these type of feelings, you should at least read up on it. There are free articles on the internet and many books written about shame and guilt. You could also see a therapist just to talk and explore.
And I was not groomed to feel this way. I believe that I was born this way. Trans people are not grooming children. That is all pure B.S. The reason that there are more trans young people is that they don't have to hide their feelings.
A few years ago, I started to try and heal my shame and past emotional wounds. I tried to find myself. Yes, I started to scratch through the programming of the past. And there I was, with my true feelings. I am not completely healed of my shame and wounds. It seems like a lifelong path. I am trying to honor my true identity. I have grown my hair long, pierced my ears, removed body hair and started taking NBE supplements. I am not all the way out. Only a few trusted people know. If I come out, and I hope that I do one day, there will be fallout. Lost friends, family and there is my career. I am hoping to retire and then come out. I know that I am not just a crossdresser. When I dress up, I never want to take the clothes, make up and jewelry off.
I will tell others out there, that these feelings don't go away. Don't think that getting a girlfriend or a wife will cure this. Keep that in mind. The feelings of honoring your true identity are pure bliss. Nothing else like it. If you stuff it down, you most likely will feel depressed and anxious. You may become angry and lash out at others. If you feel shame about these type of feelings, you should at least read up on it. There are free articles on the internet and many books written about shame and guilt. You could also see a therapist just to talk and explore.
And I was not groomed to feel this way. I believe that I was born this way. Trans people are not grooming children. That is all pure B.S. The reason that there are more trans young people is that they don't have to hide their feelings.