Thank you everyone! Thank you so much! I mean it even though what I'm about to say next is rather crude in that it feels like I'm dismissing all the compliments and well wishing.
But honestly as much as I might look good in picture, as much as I think sometimes look good in the mirror, oh so often do I find myself battling tremendous amounts of doubt and dysphoria. I've done nothing but lose breast size for about a year at this point. Band size shrunk with it mostly at first, but even so I feel like my chest is so tiny most days that I wonder if I can even consider myself as having boobs anymore.
Push up bras and padded bras can do wonders. I can fill 32c cups for sure and sometimes 34cs but sometimes not. But to me I might as well just have an A cup bust for all the volume it feels like I've lost. I'm pretty depressed about it tonight... Looking at how big I was and how small and deflated I feel like my chest looks now isn't pleasant.
I wish I wasn't constantly stuck in this hellish weight range of 144-146 either, because it seems like I'm just here forever with no hope of reaching the 140 weight I wanted. It was my goal and I had planned to try out weight cycling afterwards. I wanted to try to gain back some weight to see if it would finally go back to all the right places. And yet 2 or 3 months later I'm still here at this same weight range even though I eat a calorie deficit. Nearly 2 years of diet and exercise and I can't make it past the finish line...
Now, I have been exercising as usual of course, though some days I feel like I phone it in due to my thoughts getting in the way. I've been working hard on my butt and hips and core. Could the weight range be stuck due to possibly gaining muscle to even out the loss? I do eat and partake of a lot of protein, alongside MSM and GABA which can help with muscle growth.
But even so it's so entirely frustrating. I have no chest size growth to speak in many many months. Nothing tissue wise at least to the point I'm all but certain I've finished any growth there. It will all have to be fat I assume beyond that if I'm to get anything to speak of. But if I just go and regain band size, waist size, and belly, then there would be absolutely no reason for me to weight cycle in the least, and that's what I fear will happen.
I do have my noogle now. I've tried it once and I must have went too rough since it's been about three days now and it's still noticeably spotted and red, just less than it was. This too is frustrating as I only did it for an hour and on a low pressure of about -3 once I realized -5 and higher hurt too much for the very short time I experimented with it. Since then I've given it a break to let my blemishes recover. I'll try it again if/when those red dots do vanish. Maybe it will surprise me and actually give me the 1 or 2 cups I've so desired. A fuller chest in general even in just radius would be great so that I don't need to entirely feel like all my shaping is done by a bra.
Anyway, sorry for the downer post. If anyone has any ideas on how I could beat this long stalled out period that'd be great, but I won't hold my breath as nothing I've added or removed or adjusted seems to do much of anything outside of maybe one or two days of tingles at best.
But honestly as much as I might look good in picture, as much as I think sometimes look good in the mirror, oh so often do I find myself battling tremendous amounts of doubt and dysphoria. I've done nothing but lose breast size for about a year at this point. Band size shrunk with it mostly at first, but even so I feel like my chest is so tiny most days that I wonder if I can even consider myself as having boobs anymore.
Push up bras and padded bras can do wonders. I can fill 32c cups for sure and sometimes 34cs but sometimes not. But to me I might as well just have an A cup bust for all the volume it feels like I've lost. I'm pretty depressed about it tonight... Looking at how big I was and how small and deflated I feel like my chest looks now isn't pleasant.
I wish I wasn't constantly stuck in this hellish weight range of 144-146 either, because it seems like I'm just here forever with no hope of reaching the 140 weight I wanted. It was my goal and I had planned to try out weight cycling afterwards. I wanted to try to gain back some weight to see if it would finally go back to all the right places. And yet 2 or 3 months later I'm still here at this same weight range even though I eat a calorie deficit. Nearly 2 years of diet and exercise and I can't make it past the finish line...
Now, I have been exercising as usual of course, though some days I feel like I phone it in due to my thoughts getting in the way. I've been working hard on my butt and hips and core. Could the weight range be stuck due to possibly gaining muscle to even out the loss? I do eat and partake of a lot of protein, alongside MSM and GABA which can help with muscle growth.
But even so it's so entirely frustrating. I have no chest size growth to speak in many many months. Nothing tissue wise at least to the point I'm all but certain I've finished any growth there. It will all have to be fat I assume beyond that if I'm to get anything to speak of. But if I just go and regain band size, waist size, and belly, then there would be absolutely no reason for me to weight cycle in the least, and that's what I fear will happen.
I do have my noogle now. I've tried it once and I must have went too rough since it's been about three days now and it's still noticeably spotted and red, just less than it was. This too is frustrating as I only did it for an hour and on a low pressure of about -3 once I realized -5 and higher hurt too much for the very short time I experimented with it. Since then I've given it a break to let my blemishes recover. I'll try it again if/when those red dots do vanish. Maybe it will surprise me and actually give me the 1 or 2 cups I've so desired. A fuller chest in general even in just radius would be great so that I don't need to entirely feel like all my shaping is done by a bra.
Anyway, sorry for the downer post. If anyone has any ideas on how I could beat this long stalled out period that'd be great, but I won't hold my breath as nothing I've added or removed or adjusted seems to do much of anything outside of maybe one or two days of tingles at best.