26-03-2022, 10:54 AM
Hi Jamie, good morning. <3 Wow, that's probably the longest post anyone has ever left on my thread. 
Your situation sounds a lot like where I was a year ago. At my previous job I was still in dude mode, I just couldn't come out there, it would have been a total suicide knowing the atmosphere of the place. The misogyny was strong with them and I bet they would have bullied me like there's no tomorrow had I come out there. It felt like torture, at home being me and when heading out, putting on this role playing character.
I just had to get rid of it, and I did so completely in May last year the day my job contract ended, on that same week, I went to pick up my trans clinic referral. Very symbolically, as I walked away from the hospital afterwards, I walked by an ex colleague of mine and he did not recognize me. He walked maybe three feet away and didn't know who I was. I said nothing, just smiled and walked by. That was one of the first times I obviously passed with my looks... No one paid any attention. That one's really great btw, when you go out as yourself and almost like overnight, people suddenly stop staring and paying attention. To me it was very sudden change and I wonder if it was about my mentality and mood, body language, more than my looks because people's reactions changed very suddenly.
Yea, so it seems, to be accepted and treated well unfortunately seems that its cis passing and that's it. The world isn't quite ready yet. Those who are openly trans on purpose and stay that way, they're the brave ones. I think its really cool that some are able of doing that. I want to get treated normally, be in peace, I want things to be normal and not difficult as heck all the time so I'm pushing it with my presentation. I want them to see, hear and sense a woman and nothing else. And it feels like I have to overcompensate, it sucks, I don't have the means to do much anything, just take my meds and wish for a miracle.
I'm not sure what the hell is it that people read about me, I have no experience on longer interaction with strangers, only few times and that's it... Covid came and totally isolated me and stopped my social life completely, the thing is that I do not even know how well I pass and do they all read me like an open book or not. Last time I was in a bar they did and it deeply hurt me because I believed I was doing quite good job on this. I got disillusioned, now I presume they all clock me until the experience shows otherwise. My voice, people say its pretty good, I'm on female range over 90% of the time, but something about it is still off.... The heck I know, one thing's for sure, I do not want to sound like some Mickey Mouse goes hentai, the kinda voice I hear many trans women have, they sound like little girls... I'm not a teenage girl, in my mind yea for sure, but my body isn't that. So yea, darker voice than that is the way to go. I think its ok, but not perfect, the hell I know. I've been told many times my voice doesn't pass because I lack consistency.
About passing for a cis woman, I think I will get there, but its gonna take a lot of work. My face I think its quite nice and doesn't need fixing. I couldn't ever afford it anyway. What made me feel much better about my face is noticing how I have all the same characteristics as women in my family. Lot of similarities with both sides, in particular cousins from my mothers side. My face is just bit wider than theirs but shape of my nose, jawline, cheeks, eyebrows, every my eyes and hairline are a match with my my family ladies. Its becoming more apparent each day as HRT is making my facial features softer. If my grandma, mother, cousins and aunts are fine with these same features, then I'm gonna rock it and become happy with it. No one ever questions their gender and their validity so I'm convinced my face is not a problem. If I had permission, I could post pics of few of my cousins to show this. I resemble two of them so much that people ask if that's my sister.
You can add me on Discord any time. You'll find me there with HelloTitty#9727
Your situation sounds a lot like where I was a year ago. At my previous job I was still in dude mode, I just couldn't come out there, it would have been a total suicide knowing the atmosphere of the place. The misogyny was strong with them and I bet they would have bullied me like there's no tomorrow had I come out there. It felt like torture, at home being me and when heading out, putting on this role playing character.
I just had to get rid of it, and I did so completely in May last year the day my job contract ended, on that same week, I went to pick up my trans clinic referral. Very symbolically, as I walked away from the hospital afterwards, I walked by an ex colleague of mine and he did not recognize me. He walked maybe three feet away and didn't know who I was. I said nothing, just smiled and walked by. That was one of the first times I obviously passed with my looks... No one paid any attention. That one's really great btw, when you go out as yourself and almost like overnight, people suddenly stop staring and paying attention. To me it was very sudden change and I wonder if it was about my mentality and mood, body language, more than my looks because people's reactions changed very suddenly.
Yea, so it seems, to be accepted and treated well unfortunately seems that its cis passing and that's it. The world isn't quite ready yet. Those who are openly trans on purpose and stay that way, they're the brave ones. I think its really cool that some are able of doing that. I want to get treated normally, be in peace, I want things to be normal and not difficult as heck all the time so I'm pushing it with my presentation. I want them to see, hear and sense a woman and nothing else. And it feels like I have to overcompensate, it sucks, I don't have the means to do much anything, just take my meds and wish for a miracle.
I'm not sure what the hell is it that people read about me, I have no experience on longer interaction with strangers, only few times and that's it... Covid came and totally isolated me and stopped my social life completely, the thing is that I do not even know how well I pass and do they all read me like an open book or not. Last time I was in a bar they did and it deeply hurt me because I believed I was doing quite good job on this. I got disillusioned, now I presume they all clock me until the experience shows otherwise. My voice, people say its pretty good, I'm on female range over 90% of the time, but something about it is still off.... The heck I know, one thing's for sure, I do not want to sound like some Mickey Mouse goes hentai, the kinda voice I hear many trans women have, they sound like little girls... I'm not a teenage girl, in my mind yea for sure, but my body isn't that. So yea, darker voice than that is the way to go. I think its ok, but not perfect, the hell I know. I've been told many times my voice doesn't pass because I lack consistency.
About passing for a cis woman, I think I will get there, but its gonna take a lot of work. My face I think its quite nice and doesn't need fixing. I couldn't ever afford it anyway. What made me feel much better about my face is noticing how I have all the same characteristics as women in my family. Lot of similarities with both sides, in particular cousins from my mothers side. My face is just bit wider than theirs but shape of my nose, jawline, cheeks, eyebrows, every my eyes and hairline are a match with my my family ladies. Its becoming more apparent each day as HRT is making my facial features softer. If my grandma, mother, cousins and aunts are fine with these same features, then I'm gonna rock it and become happy with it. No one ever questions their gender and their validity so I'm convinced my face is not a problem. If I had permission, I could post pics of few of my cousins to show this. I resemble two of them so much that people ask if that's my sister.
You can add me on Discord any time. You'll find me there with HelloTitty#9727