Hey! Nicely written post. It resonates a lot with me.
Having been a crossdresser since I was 4 years old (actively since I was 13) I asked myself "Am I trans*?" a number of times. The answer always being "no".
I really enjoy life as a guy with some hard manual labour, being able to lift heavy stuff, taking the kind of responsibility towards my family that society somehow forces me to. I love all of this and it gives me satisfaction, and I wouldn't want to change it.
So, no, I am not transgender. I don't want to be a woman. I would make an extremely ugly one, but that's not the only reason why I don't want to be one. I just love my 90% of the time as a guy, a husband, a father and as an opinionated man in general.
To me crossdressing has always been a stress-relief. Because of the society I grew up in, women's role in society is a more submissive one. That's why I use that role, which I fake when crossdressing, to let go of my dominant "manly" side for a few hours. I am not autogynephiliac because I don't sexually like myself in the mirror when dressed, and I don't feel sexually attracted by my own boobs now that I have a tiny bit of them.
Because it's all about stress relief and "controlled loss of control" I must be constantly reminded of the fact that I am in "woman mode" when crossdressing. I love everything tight or that continuously hugs and changes my perception: corsets, thights, high heels, and bras are among my favourites. I love "feeling" different, through my skin, my balance, the brushing of light fabric on my skin, a different kind of stimulation no my nipples. I've always had sensitive skin and I feel the tiniest draught of air or the slight movement of fabrics on me.
So, why I want a bit of boobs? Because the feeling of having something soft and senstitive hanging from my chest is something nature didn't give me. I like the shape of breasts, I like they way they feel when I play with someone else's, but I was born without the kind of sensitivity a woman has in her nipples. I normally wouldn't know what it's like to have them moving and hanging when making love. I wouldn't know what it's like to feel them bounce and what it feels like to wear a bra that actually holds something up.
I love, and write, transformation fiction. I love the stories about slow transformation and subtle changes. I love the psychological side of it, so that's how I am managing my own progression. Slowly, very slowly, to the point where people around me will be so used to seeing me with a bit of "moobs" that won't notice too much if, while ageing, I will get some more.
So, definitions:
- I am not transgender. I am quite happily cisgender and I thought about this so many times.
- I am not autogynephiliac. So I don't do this to see myself as a womanly woman even when crossdressing.
- I am not transitioning, so I guess this makes me NOT a transssexual.
I guess that there is some way to build a word that describes a cis male who only wants to develop some secondary sexual characteristics of the other sex without going through social transition. I once read about "tweeners", short for "in between-ers", that would be the physical version of "non binary". I am not androgynous.
So, for now, I'll stick to the initial NO until someone comes up with a definition. I am not trans. I am a cis-male who wants, and has a bit of, boobs. Auto-masto-philiac? Sounds terrible.
Having been a crossdresser since I was 4 years old (actively since I was 13) I asked myself "Am I trans*?" a number of times. The answer always being "no".
I really enjoy life as a guy with some hard manual labour, being able to lift heavy stuff, taking the kind of responsibility towards my family that society somehow forces me to. I love all of this and it gives me satisfaction, and I wouldn't want to change it.
So, no, I am not transgender. I don't want to be a woman. I would make an extremely ugly one, but that's not the only reason why I don't want to be one. I just love my 90% of the time as a guy, a husband, a father and as an opinionated man in general.
To me crossdressing has always been a stress-relief. Because of the society I grew up in, women's role in society is a more submissive one. That's why I use that role, which I fake when crossdressing, to let go of my dominant "manly" side for a few hours. I am not autogynephiliac because I don't sexually like myself in the mirror when dressed, and I don't feel sexually attracted by my own boobs now that I have a tiny bit of them.
Because it's all about stress relief and "controlled loss of control" I must be constantly reminded of the fact that I am in "woman mode" when crossdressing. I love everything tight or that continuously hugs and changes my perception: corsets, thights, high heels, and bras are among my favourites. I love "feeling" different, through my skin, my balance, the brushing of light fabric on my skin, a different kind of stimulation no my nipples. I've always had sensitive skin and I feel the tiniest draught of air or the slight movement of fabrics on me.
So, why I want a bit of boobs? Because the feeling of having something soft and senstitive hanging from my chest is something nature didn't give me. I like the shape of breasts, I like they way they feel when I play with someone else's, but I was born without the kind of sensitivity a woman has in her nipples. I normally wouldn't know what it's like to have them moving and hanging when making love. I wouldn't know what it's like to feel them bounce and what it feels like to wear a bra that actually holds something up.
I love, and write, transformation fiction. I love the stories about slow transformation and subtle changes. I love the psychological side of it, so that's how I am managing my own progression. Slowly, very slowly, to the point where people around me will be so used to seeing me with a bit of "moobs" that won't notice too much if, while ageing, I will get some more.
So, definitions:
- I am not transgender. I am quite happily cisgender and I thought about this so many times.
- I am not autogynephiliac. So I don't do this to see myself as a womanly woman even when crossdressing.
- I am not transitioning, so I guess this makes me NOT a transssexual.
I guess that there is some way to build a word that describes a cis male who only wants to develop some secondary sexual characteristics of the other sex without going through social transition. I once read about "tweeners", short for "in between-ers", that would be the physical version of "non binary". I am not androgynous.
So, for now, I'll stick to the initial NO until someone comes up with a definition. I am not trans. I am a cis-male who wants, and has a bit of, boobs. Auto-masto-philiac? Sounds terrible.