[jannet.duff]

Anyone else have dysphoria that is extreme? Whenever I think about my male body I feel nihilism like life has no purpose or meaning. I am a virgin who noone has ever loved and stuck in a male body. My relatives said I am cute so why don't I have a girlfriend by now? I look in the mirror and don't look ugly, but I feel nothing, like I am just "there". 

I want to feel enthusiasm for living, but I do not feel it anymore. I just think about my body hair and beer belly and how I don't have mathematically appealing curves. I want wide feminine hips and no hair except on the top of my head. I feel sick, for instance last night I felt like i was going to die. My life has no purpose and meaning. People tell me to do sports or exercise, but ultimately I am doing it in a male body that has no purpose or meaning.

I don't hate my penis. When I say male body, I don't mean my penis. I mean the fact I am average, mediocre, meaningless. I am not a cool, cute, anime girl like I wish I was. I am average male, meaningless, pointless. When I think about taking hormones I don't think it will save me. My bones are too male, I need something that will change my bones. Second, my mind is too fargone and miserable for it to be saved. For instance, when I was a kid I liked feminine things like cooking. But now I just feel nihilism like what is the point, everything is just a meaningless boring chore. I think it is too late to salvage.

Have you ever thought of talking to a professional about your feelings ??, they maybe able to help you put things in context.