[Jennipher]

About 25 years ago when I was going through a ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ over my CDing, and trying to figure out my sexuality, I realized that when I looked at an attractive woman, I wasn’t looking at her only as an object of desire (or lust!), but I was actually jealous of her. Her femininity, her shape, her outfit, make-up, hair, shoes, etc., etc. I wanted that, ALL of it! This was a long time before TS, TG, TV or CD were used in any other than a derogatory way (think late 80s, early 90s). It was also a long time before NBE became a viable option (pre-internet, remember?). 
There was no form of E in my system, other than that generated naturally, nothing to “motivate” my gender-confused feelings. I wasn’t totally dissatisfied with being male, but when I expressed my femme side through CDing I felt more complete. It wasn’t purely sexual or for titillation, it gave me peace, and I began to realize this split identity was who I was. 

So, that’s my $.02, my own feelings/desires had nothing to do with E, fetishism, narcissism or anything else, other than a strong feminine side. I don’t know where it came from, but I’ve had it all my life. This duality is who I am.

Katie, I think Julie is right, you’ll be there and achieve your goal, just be yourself, only a complete idiot wouldn’t see who you really are.

Jenn