01-12-2017, 06:50 PM
I`v been debating whether to share this here or not, as it`s Very personal, but as an excersize in Authenticity and Humility I decided that it`s worth it, as it May help someone else.
For me the Fracturing was a real thing, I had what could best be described as a nervous breakdown, after a booze
session (one of many I might add) my personality litteraly Split, there was Him and Her in one body, and Both
would take turns talking. i`d noticed in the run-up to this that there was often an internal dialogue between the
2 "sides" of this body. apparently, during one of his rants "he" had snarled "Shes going to chop my ****`s off and
kill me!". I have no recollection of this at all, and only know of it because my wife told me, and that when he
was drinking I couldn`t come through, "it shuts that F*****g B***h up!", oh yeah, and "if she`s allowed out, she`s going to get us both killed".
charming! LOL
Towards the end, a sort of awkward truce was arrived at, I would be allowed 1 year to take over and see what sort
of a mess I make of it and thus prove his point. "he" would back away and leave me to it entirely, and there would
be no chance of "him" bailing me out if I got into trouble!
Me... I said "deal!"
That was 2 years ago, and I`m still here!!!
what`s more is that He`s Not here, I can`t access him if I tried, he`s just Gone (in as much as he was ever really there?). it was like walking through a door and turning around and there door isn`t there anymore. And I`v never been happier in my entire life, a re-occuring nightmare that I`v had ever since I was little has also stopped!
I still have the note/letter he left me the last time he was here, and that`s the only real thing I have to Show that it was all real, that and what my wife tells me. it was like waking up from a Spell, and Now I`m Finally Free
It was certainly by far the most dramatic part of the entire healing process, but that survival mode and all those fears made manifest no longer have a place and don`t serve me anymore, and I`m pleased to say there`s only One voice now!
xx
For me the Fracturing was a real thing, I had what could best be described as a nervous breakdown, after a booze
session (one of many I might add) my personality litteraly Split, there was Him and Her in one body, and Both
would take turns talking. i`d noticed in the run-up to this that there was often an internal dialogue between the
2 "sides" of this body. apparently, during one of his rants "he" had snarled "Shes going to chop my ****`s off and
kill me!". I have no recollection of this at all, and only know of it because my wife told me, and that when he
was drinking I couldn`t come through, "it shuts that F*****g B***h up!", oh yeah, and "if she`s allowed out, she`s going to get us both killed".
charming! LOL
Towards the end, a sort of awkward truce was arrived at, I would be allowed 1 year to take over and see what sort
of a mess I make of it and thus prove his point. "he" would back away and leave me to it entirely, and there would
be no chance of "him" bailing me out if I got into trouble!
Me... I said "deal!"
That was 2 years ago, and I`m still here!!!
what`s more is that He`s Not here, I can`t access him if I tried, he`s just Gone (in as much as he was ever really there?). it was like walking through a door and turning around and there door isn`t there anymore. And I`v never been happier in my entire life, a re-occuring nightmare that I`v had ever since I was little has also stopped!
I still have the note/letter he left me the last time he was here, and that`s the only real thing I have to Show that it was all real, that and what my wife tells me. it was like waking up from a Spell, and Now I`m Finally Free
It was certainly by far the most dramatic part of the entire healing process, but that survival mode and all those fears made manifest no longer have a place and don`t serve me anymore, and I`m pleased to say there`s only One voice now!
xx