21-11-2017, 12:59 PM
(This post was last modified: 21-11-2017, 01:01 PM by oki.
Edit Reason: spacing
)
Nice coincidence this thread has been unearthed, because it's something that's been rubbing me the wrong way a lot lately. (Looking at you Katie
And I presume it's understood that I mean no offense here...) Namely the notion that transwoman is a woman in a male body and she has been that way all her life.
While this is the ideal scenario for the diagnosis of transexuality where I live and I suppose it's quite common, I could never subscribe to it. And I can't help it but to feel uncertain and a little fake because of it.
I'm a male and has been that way all my life. It's just that the demands that were laid on me because of this male role have very often felt alien and unwanted, I subconsciously resisted and therefore failed massively. I would even say that the more likely reason for this "anomaly" was not hormonal disbalance during the prenatal development (as the theory of transexuality etiology suggests) but my family constellation and upbringing. (And is it possible I'm construing all this just to justify my failures? Absolutely!:/)
All this makes me just an unsuccessful man and one disdainful or even hateful of his maleness. Definitelly not a woman. I chose to try to become (or is it "emulate"? brrrr, what a word) a woman because I see no realistic middle ground in between the two genders. And I observed my past, projected trends and traits into the future and came to conclusion that I take a better stab at happiness and fulfilment trying to be a woman rather than a man. Despite it all & everything.
Well, this is my brain rationalising. My feelings are quite certain what I want and need no words
.
But still the simple fact that the thought "I might become a woman" struck me only several years ago for the first time bodes some catastrophe in the future. It all seems too hasty, too unripe.
I really am looking forward to the HRT, I hope it might finally shut the escape doors and put an end to this endless doubt.
Dammit, thus it ends when I try to make a statement when both drunk and sleep-deprived.
And I presume it's understood that I mean no offense here...) Namely the notion that transwoman is a woman in a male body and she has been that way all her life. While this is the ideal scenario for the diagnosis of transexuality where I live and I suppose it's quite common, I could never subscribe to it. And I can't help it but to feel uncertain and a little fake because of it.
I'm a male and has been that way all my life. It's just that the demands that were laid on me because of this male role have very often felt alien and unwanted, I subconsciously resisted and therefore failed massively. I would even say that the more likely reason for this "anomaly" was not hormonal disbalance during the prenatal development (as the theory of transexuality etiology suggests) but my family constellation and upbringing. (And is it possible I'm construing all this just to justify my failures? Absolutely!:/)
All this makes me just an unsuccessful man and one disdainful or even hateful of his maleness. Definitelly not a woman. I chose to try to become (or is it "emulate"? brrrr, what a word) a woman because I see no realistic middle ground in between the two genders. And I observed my past, projected trends and traits into the future and came to conclusion that I take a better stab at happiness and fulfilment trying to be a woman rather than a man. Despite it all & everything.
Well, this is my brain rationalising. My feelings are quite certain what I want and need no words
.But still the simple fact that the thought "I might become a woman" struck me only several years ago for the first time bodes some catastrophe in the future. It all seems too hasty, too unripe.
I really am looking forward to the HRT, I hope it might finally shut the escape doors and put an end to this endless doubt.
Dammit, thus it ends when I try to make a statement when both drunk and sleep-deprived
.