[The First Aria]

Thanks Poly for that. I think to a certain degree I'm still in denial - I feel like I could easily just take feminizing hormones and carry on living and presenting as a male. I guess it's an unrealistic notion though, and what I see on this forum seems to confirm it - once it get's you it doesn't let go. I have even considered if I'm a woman 'trapped' in a man's body or a man 'trapped' in a woman's mind. Would it not be easier to align my mind with my body instead of the other way around?

I have been a Boudoir photographer for the last several years (hobbyist), and I realized a short while ago that I actually have been somewhat envious of the women I photograph. Basically what you have experienced observing other women. When I see their naked bodies, the beautiful lingerie, the charm, femininity, and the mannerisms, I imagine that it's me and I look gorgeous ...... then I see myself in a mirror and ......... 

Shawna, your first paragraph, IMO, is set to a false premise.Estrogen, is not a mind altering drug, in itself.  I like to think of it as a strong aspirin.  All it does for most people is clear their minds.  Helps them think more rationally for some, gives strength to others to explore.  I am of still firm belief, that if you want, and have the desire to walk the feminine, as well as masculine side of the fence at the same time.  Plus focus yourself to do so, to whatever degree, E helps you.

It's only for the ones that have NOT realized that they have been lying to themselves all or most of their lives they are male that when they indulge, they get hooked.  The reason is like the reason I gave you above.

My hips are starting to "bloom", my breasts are starting to fill out and around, but for me, that's a good thing.  I can still balance my "maleness" with my need to be feminine on my terms, not others.  E will NOT force me, but my own character, desire etc. to "turn in my Man Card".