[The First Aria]

So, I found this local organization that supports transgender people, and assists with the process of transitioning. I have just returned from my first, albeit short & concise, meeting. The person that I dealt with is a transgender woman who is very feminine in all aspects. I honestly felt like a neanderthal ape overdosed on testosterone next to her. I'm certainly not an alpha male, and I have feminine-like body language, but I'm definitely not girly.

The emotions that I experienced driving away from the meeting are totally foreign to me. I felt inadequate and I started thinking that I'm only fooling myself that I could ever truly be female gendered. My reality is that I don't mind my male genitalia, but my mind is screaming female, to the point of desperation. There has been talk on this forum about the head noise; I have been obsessed and have thought of nothing else for at least six months after realizing that I may have an identity issue - the head noise is driving me crazy.

I'm physically at the point of tears, and I'm literally experiencing heartache at the flicker of doubt regarding my femininity.

I feel for you.  Maybe it didn't hit me as hard as it seems to have you, but I can identify.  What makes it even worse is that a lot of the transgender community only understands "All or nothing" idea.  That a person is truly not transgender if they don't HATE any and all male attributes.  I mean that if you are not planning SRS, then some even here feel like you are a person who is just in for the fetish of having breasts.

You can look on Youtube and get a great idea that quite a few probably felt they would never pass as a woman to begin with.  And yet, they can and do pass for CIS women.  50% is in your head, 25% is your body and 25% is your willingness to adapt.  Anyways, that is the idea of my therapist.

I wish you good luck in you epic quest of self discovery.