[Pansy-Mae]

So right now it is like: I feel pressure to modify my body to more feminine appearance while not taking PM and I feel more satisfied with myself while taking PM, but at the same moment I experience anxiety that by doing so I am doing something wrong AND simultaneously destroying my future, because it is possible that I am moving toward transition...

Poly,
As Julie said, those yo-yo feelings are common to many of us, so  we can empathise with you.
I would suggest that you might make a major step in your life journey if you can make yourself understand that whichever way that step takes you, forward, backward or sideways, you are NOT doing anything WRONG. There is nothing inherantly wrong with transitioning, with going back to fully male, or with staying in the middle in some form.
Finally I would suggest that if you are NEEDING to fully transition, then not going through with it is far more likely destroy your future, mentally, than the difficulties that proceeding will bring.