23-11-2016, 06:29 PM
Thank you everyone for your comments. I really do appreciate it a lot. 
Julie> OK, research showed that estrogen influences brain function - how we feel and think. But I don't think my uncertainty and all my feelings are caused just by taking PM. You know, for me crossdressing was never about dressing. For me it was always about body. Sometimes I felt (and still feel) excited just by thinking about myself having body of a woman. I begun with soft body modifications to appear more feminine many many years ago as a teenager. I even tried chi-massages in my 20s. And I have to ask myself: If I would give a name to feelings that pushed me to do that, what would the name be? And the answer is apparently - gender dysphoria.
So right now it is like: I feel pressure to modify my body to more feminine appearance while not taking PM and I feel more satisfied with myself while taking PM, but at the same moment I experience anxiety that by doing so I am doing something wrong AND simultaneously destroying my future, because it is possible that I am moving toward transition...
Sofia> Yes Sofia... very deep soul searching. But my answers are somewhere inside me. I really think that for many starting with NBE is just symptom of gender dysphoria. I begin to think that it was like that with me... When I look at myself in a mirror now, I am much more satisfied then before NBE. So part of that uneasy feeling is corrected. I think not starting with NBE would possibly mean just postponing awakening of that awareness to a later time period.
katieinhiding> Thank you for your reply and for your story. I have to admit that reading it felt nice
. I am really good in questioning myself and I question everything I do. Doubts are my constant companion. It is true that I should worry less... and go more with the flow. And I am openly admitting that becoming more feminine feels ... right. Anyway, good luck with your FFS! I think that for public life it is even more important than GRS.
Stevenator> Thank you for your wishes. I'll try to remain strong.
Allyson> Water in that pond looks clear and refreshing. However, it is quite deep. I have to first learn how to swim before thinking about jumping in
.
Poly
Julie> OK, research showed that estrogen influences brain function - how we feel and think. But I don't think my uncertainty and all my feelings are caused just by taking PM. You know, for me crossdressing was never about dressing. For me it was always about body. Sometimes I felt (and still feel) excited just by thinking about myself having body of a woman. I begun with soft body modifications to appear more feminine many many years ago as a teenager. I even tried chi-massages in my 20s. And I have to ask myself: If I would give a name to feelings that pushed me to do that, what would the name be? And the answer is apparently - gender dysphoria.
So right now it is like: I feel pressure to modify my body to more feminine appearance while not taking PM and I feel more satisfied with myself while taking PM, but at the same moment I experience anxiety that by doing so I am doing something wrong AND simultaneously destroying my future, because it is possible that I am moving toward transition...
Sofia> Yes Sofia... very deep soul searching. But my answers are somewhere inside me. I really think that for many starting with NBE is just symptom of gender dysphoria. I begin to think that it was like that with me... When I look at myself in a mirror now, I am much more satisfied then before NBE. So part of that uneasy feeling is corrected. I think not starting with NBE would possibly mean just postponing awakening of that awareness to a later time period.
katieinhiding> Thank you for your reply and for your story. I have to admit that reading it felt nice
. I am really good in questioning myself and I question everything I do. Doubts are my constant companion. It is true that I should worry less... and go more with the flow. And I am openly admitting that becoming more feminine feels ... right. Anyway, good luck with your FFS! I think that for public life it is even more important than GRS. Stevenator> Thank you for your wishes. I'll try to remain strong.
Allyson> Water in that pond looks clear and refreshing. However, it is quite deep. I have to first learn how to swim before thinking about jumping in
.Poly